Milk and Honey Momma

Birth story of Asa'el (finally!)

2012-01-16T14:19:00.000-08:00

Birth story of Asa’el

Oct 14^th, 2011/ 16 Tishray 5771

4:24pm

6lbs 12oz/3kg 19.5”/50cm

My labor had drawn out over the course of the past month, with the rushes building in intensity each time, but then inevitably petering out at some point. I got to the point of going out for long walks, pushing my 2 year old son around Katzrin in the stroller, etc… in the hopes of encouraging my body to keep the contractions coming.

Thursday was the first day of Sukkot, and I went to shul having strong rushes. Joked with some of the women about how the baby was just going to fall out at some point. I schlepped the up-hill road home, stopping for many of the rushes. When we got home, things calmed down a bit, but didn’t stop completely. I spent the late afternoon at a neighbor’s house chatting while the kids played and wondered if this could really be it.

After Havdalah, we got the kids to bed and the rushes were still coming on. I decided to take a shower and give it another hour. At around 9pm I called Chava. We decided that the best thing to do was for the team to be on alert, but to allow me my space for as long as possible. My rushes continued to come, whether I was standing, sitting, or lying down, but they weren’t finding a pattern and they weren’t consistently strong either. I was feeling concerned that I might be getting “stage fright.” Meaning that knowing that there were people waiting to hear how my labor was progressing was having a negative effect on the labor. So I called my friend Miriam, who has a full supply of homeopathic remedies, and asked her to bring me some gelsemium. She is also a talented photographer, and I had asked her if she would be willing to photograph my birth. So when she came, I think it was close to midnight, she brought several birth-related remedies, her camera, and another friend, Natasha who was going to be on childcare duty (which was light work at the time, since they were all asleep!).

I took the remedy and labored for a while. Yoram was amazing. Every time a rush would come on, he would be right there swaying and moaning with me, putting pressure in my lower back, or massaging my shoulders. At around 1am I called Chava back and she was on the phone through a contraction. Her reaction, “Ok, I think it’s time for us to head over!”

I don’t really remember much of the rest of the timeline, at some point Chava arrived, and then Naomi arrived. Miriam and Natasha were still hanging out and things were going ok. Then Yitzchak woke up. Then Odeliya woke up. They hung out for a bit, we ate fruit, Miriam got some lovely pictures! But then Naomi and Chava noticed that my rushes were spacing out. When the rushes came, they were no less intense, although they weren’t getting stronger, and they definitely were doing the opposite of getting closer together. So the Midwives suggested that Miriam and Natasha go home for a while, and that they take the two children with them. Netanel stayed asleep, but Natasha said to call her if he woke up and she would come collect him. At some point towards morning, he did wake up and Natasha was true to her word. Chava and Naomi made themselves scarce and tried as best as possible to create a private space for me and baby to do our thing.

I started to realize that there was something my body was resisting. I was too alert, too present. In the past, as birth became imminent, my mind would get out of the way and let my body take over. And that’s when labor would get increasingly more intense and I would lose myself to the process and allow the power of Birth to consume me. But I wasn’t going there, and I started to suspect some post-trauma. In my last birth, it was at the point where I did allow my mind to disconnect that everything started going haywire, and I put my trust into a midwife who had decided before she turned up that she was going to find a way to deny me a homebirth. So when she said, “the head is too high” and “I’m feeling swelling around the baby’s head” and “I think we need to call an ambulance” I was unable to respond with what I was thinking because my thoughts and my voice were no longer connected. I wanted to say, “but I’m ready to push.” Or “that doesn’t make any sense.” Or just, “no, I’m not going!” but I couldn’t anymore. I had allowed myself to go to a place of trust and believing that my care provider was going to actually care for me, and instead she betrayed me and abandoned me.

So here I was 2+ years later and even though I knew without any doubt that I had two amazing and trustworthy midwives attending me, and even though I knew that this time was completely different and that I was safe and my space was safe and me and my baby were safe; even though I knew that the only circumstance in which we would transfer to the hospital was if there was true danger to me and my baby (and not the midwife’s bank account), my body wasn’t ready to fully believe that.

I processed a lot of this on my own, much of it after the fact, and some of it with Yoram, and with Chava. We processed some other things also, and did some tapping, and I did some crying. I felt that it helped. My body, however, had its own agenda and that was protection. After 12 hours of hard labor, I was 4cm dilated and my little guy’s head was not engaged. When Chava checked me, she felt that something was off with his position, because she knew from palpating that the baby was head down, but she said that what she was feeling felt more like a knee! That oddity was explained when we finally saw his little knobby head! That got us thinking of different laboring positions to try to encourage the baby to get into a better position and engage.

Sometime in the late morning, Chava realized that this baby was going to be born sometime on Friday night, so she decided to go home and get her home and family organized so that they could function without her for the weekend, since once Shabbat came in, she wouldn’t be permitted to go home. Before she left, she, Naomi, Yoram and I discussed our options with this labor that didn’t want to kick into gear. One option of course, was to do nothing and leave it alone. Option 2 was to start what I’m going to call a “natural augmentation regimen” of herbs, homeopathics, and nipple stimulation. I was feeling very strongly at this point that my body needed to be convinced that it was safe for me to have my baby right where we were with the wonderful attendants that we had. So I opted for #2.

Chava left with instructions to be called as soon as the labor picked up. Naomi said she wanted me to try to rest for an hour and then we would start. I lay on the couch and allowed myself to savor the 20 minutes between contractions instead of stressing that they were so far apart.

An hour later, Naomi brought out the breast pump and we started 15 minutes of pumping on each side with a 15 minute break in between. She gave me a dose of labor herbs and several minutes later, a homeopathic. I don’t know how quickly it kicked in, but ooooh man did that work! Very soon after that, we were at 10 minutes apart lasting a minute each and knocking the wind out of me each time. I moaned and sang and groaned and swayed. Mostly I would get on hands and knees and Yoram and/or Naomi was right there with me pushing into my sacrum or massaging my shoulders or both. I started to not remember much between rushes and that was a really good sign that I was forcing my body to take over.

I was desperate to get into the pool, but I knew my newly invigorated labor was still so tenuous so I resisted. Then I started feeling pushy. I said I was going to go into the shower. Naomi said not to let it get too hot and to call her if I felt I was pushing. Yoram stayed nearby and popped in and out of the shower to check on me. The rushes started coming on strong, and on top of each other and I squatted down and knew that if I stayed there I was going to push out a baby. But the sensation was overwhelming and way too strong. I was suddenly terrified and called Yoram to help me get out of the shower. Naomi asked if she could check me since I was feeling so pushy. I agreed. She informed me that nothing had changed internally. She was completely unconcerned by this, and although I was a bit shocked, I took my cue from her and remained calm. She just said it meant I had more work to do before the end.

Something about that made me realize this was all in my head. There was a cloud of fear around me and it was having an effect on the whole process. I needed to surrender, to completely let go. Words popped into my head like hospital and pitocin. Images of fluorescent lights and faceless white-coated people bustling around me came unbidden to my mind’s eye.

I went back to my nest on the couch and carried on with the pumping, and with every rush as the pressure mounted, I pushed into it. I opened up. “Baby,” I said, “this is it, we’re doing this right now!” I pushed into each peak, roared into it, opened up to it, burned into the all-consuming power that was flowing through my body. I let it hurt and burn, but something was still stopping me.

I was kneeling on the floor over my birth ball, and my knees and ankles were hurting. My hips were hurting. These peripheral pains were distracting me. I needed to get in the pool. It was only 2 hours after Naomi had checked me and I knew she would be concerned about the water slowing things down, but I knew I’d passed the threshold, there was only one way to go from here.

Yoram made sure the water was nice and warm and I got in to the pool. The world around me slipped away. I was aware that Miriam had called and that Yoram told her she should come over with her camera. I was aware that it would be Shabbat very soon and I was aware that Chava was on her way back. But that awareness slipped away into the recesses of my consciousness. I was consumed by the Divine energy of Birth in all her fury and vivid beauty and intensity. I felt my baby barreling down through my pelvis and in that contraction my water broke. Breathlessly, I said, “Yoram the baby’s coming and I need a break!” The contraction didn’t stop, pushing wasn’t a process, it was a thing that was happening to me within the span of a few minutes. There was fear in those seconds, and I dispersed. But Yoram and Naomi gathered me in, they re-centered me and I let go. I felt him coming down and the intensity was overwhelming and I roared and thought my pelvis was going to explode! And then he was there, in my arms, slippery and slimy and beautifully pinkish-purple. I knew he was a boy without checking, he was so present with me and I gathered him onto my chest and heaved with joy and relief! He opened his beautiful dark eyes and fixed me in a stare that was unbreakable. I was smitten.

He was doing this gurgling thing, and Naomi said calmly, “it would be good if you kissed him and give him some air,” so I did, and then he let out a reassuring, heart-rending wail! What a beautiful sound! He calmed right down though as I massaged him and we covered him with towels, and Miriam snapped away.

My beautiful little guy had come barreling out with no molding, all 13 inches of his head circumference, so I was pretty sure all those muscles that had done that work weren’t going to be much use in pushing out the placenta. So I got out of the pool onto chux pads layered on the couch. Then Chava walked in. She was in shock that she had missed the birth! She and

Naomi helped settle me and helped me get out the placenta, and Miriam went out to the Sukkah to light candles for herself and for me.

Naomi encouraged me to allow the baby to just rest on my belly and not to force him to the breast, and I knew what that was about, because I had seen the video of the self-latching babies in my doula course. And he did it! He wormed his way, head bobbing, up my chest and latched himself right on to my left breast! It was amazing!

And even more amazing was the fact that I had no tearing at all – not even a skid! I am so grateful for that! The joints of my pelvis are still a little sore, three months later! So I’m glad that I didn’t also have to recover from tearing.

After a little while I showered and got settled in my bed and Natasha brought the kids back, and Naomi left and we started to welcome our new little light into the world.

I was blessed to have Chava be there as a post-partum doula for the first 25 hours after birth! I don’t know how we would have been able to get through Shabbat without her.

At some point while Naomi and Chava were checking the baby and weighing him and so forth, I had leaned over to Yoram and said, “I am having a thought about this baby’s name.” “Yeah? I also have something in mind,” he answered. We agreed that as soon as we had some time alone we’d discuss it. Later that night, I was sitting on my bed nursing our new baby, and Yoram was sitting in his bed, and it was quiet. “So what was the name you were thinking of?” I asked. Yoram said, “I’m thinking Asa’el.”

So was I. The last time we had mentioned that name was when we were making a name list during my first pregnancy, so it seemed very clear that when we both independently came back to it at that moment, that Asa’el was our baby’s undisputed name. (It means “God’s work”)

It has taken me almost 3 months to put this story down in words. There was a lot of processing that I’ve gone through in that time. Here are some of my thoughts:

One of the things I had prayed for specifically and consistently throughout this pregnancy was that the birth should be a healing experience for me. I feel that Hashem granted me that in every way. Asa’el’s birth was very clearly a tikkun for the traumatic birth experience that I had with Yitzchak. Down to the minutest details.

We moved into this house at around 33 weeks, which is where I was at when we moved to Katzrin in May of 09. I had a team of 2 fabulous midwives who fully and completely trust birth, women, and themselves. About 2 weeks before I gave birth, I had a true “false alarm.” Meaning that I truly thought I was going to give birth, Chava, Naomi and my friend Tziona who was to be my doula, came out. After a full night of on and off labor, my contractions petered out. But no one was annoyed or upset. I think my body did that to subconsciously test that this would be different from the last time. And then during my actual labor, which lasted a whopping 20 hours, 16 of which saw no “progression” and nobody was thinking of a transfer. All the indications were that me and the baby were doing well, so there was nothing to worry about. The decision to take action was entirely mine. Chava, who I had considered my midwife more than Naomi, actually left in the middle of labor and missed the birth! I had the experience of her leaving, but knowing fully that I wasn’t being abandoned. Firstly because Naomi was there the entire time and she was amazing. And secondly because it was clear that Chava was loving me and the baby, and that her leaving was to facilitate her being able to be completely present with me when she returned. And then she was with me for that critical post-birth time, which was actually when the midwife had left me at the mercy of the hospital with Yitzchak. Also, something I’m seeing just now in the re-telling is that in the ambulance when Yitzchak was born, he was limp and blue and that midwife actually did tell me to give him a breath, which I did and he pinked up. This time, Asa’el was alert and fine, but hadn’t been too eager to really take in that first gulp of air, and Naomi also told me to breath into his mouth.

I feel a strong significance to all these details and I feel so whole and healthy, where there had previously been a deep chasm. I am so grateful for this birth, for Asa’el, for my midwives, for Yoram. I feel so deeply blessed.

Girl Power!! I love my daughter!

2011-07-22T06:10:00.000-07:00

Overheard this morning:

Netanel: Odeliya! We're playing Star Wars! I'm Luke and you're Princess Lea, Ok?

Odeliya: Ok. (then she goes running into the other room)

Netanel: No! Princess Lea, don't go in there, there are bad guys!

Odeliya: I don't care, I'm strong. I can kill them.

yeah!!!! Now note her costume:

Star Wars: The Ballet!

Back to work - and excited!!

2011-07-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

Hey all! Ok, I've been MIA - and I pledge a post in the next week explaining why - and then they'll make into a movie for the Hallmark channel and we'll all breath a little easier.

But in the meantime, I've started my new job as Marketing Director of Mamala Maternity!! The Blog is already up and the twitter and fb are just beginning... (I'll post links to that stuff when there's more to see there.)

Go check it out and tell me what you think!!!

Love to all,
~Ayelet

How babies are born - by Odeliya

2011-06-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my 4 yr old daughter came home from preschool and spent most of the afternoon playing in the yard with her brothers and the dog. This happy quiet playing allowed me to unpack a few more boxes in my bedroom. (It also resulted in my cellphone being dumped into a bucket of water... :-) )

While I folded and sorted clothing for babies of all genders and ages, Odeliya came wandering in to my room with a baby doll in her arms.
"Mommy, when you go to have a baby do you go to the doctor and he cuts you open and takes out your baby and then puts your stomach back?"
Did I hear that right? I mean, WHAT?! deep breath.
"What was that, Odeliya?" I asked. She repeated her initial statement almost to the word. Now, it is very important to note that Odeliya is not a verbally expressive child. She is emotional and physical, but not generally verbal. So this was extremely articulate for you.
Clearly I couldn't exclaim "No! that is NOT how babies are born!" because the truth is that some babies do need to be born that way.
Two things were going through my mind at this point:
1) Where did she hear this?
and 2) When did cesarean birth become the prevailing notion for how babies get born?
"Odeliya, where did you hear that?"
"Tal told Daria in gan that that's how babies are born." Oh great, Daria's mother is due any minute, I'm sure she's going to love hearing this even more than I did!
"I see. Well, Odeliya, that is not the way that babies are born. Sometime, if there is an emergency - if something is really wrong - a baby might need to be taken out that way. But that is not the way all babies are born."
In the span of 10 seconds several versions of how to explain birth to a 4 year old - this 4 year old - flashed through my mind and none of them felt right. If I were talking to Netanel, I could have told him. Odeliya doesn't pay too much attention to words. So after a brief mental debate where I weighed to benefits vs. risks of going to video, I asked her if she would like to see how babies are born. I wished at that moment that I had a video of her birth to show her... but we went to youtube instead.

Odeliya was fascinated, completely enthralled. She watched with quiet focus as several mommies birthed their babies.
I watched her reactions, and quietly commented that the blood she was seeing is what cushions the baby inside the mommy and not scary blood like when she gets a booboo. I think I made another explanation too, but I can't remember about what. Afterwards I asked her what she thought and this was her response:
"Oh."
And off she went to carry on torturing the dog!

Thanks, Dels, I'm glad we had this little talk.

Sharing the beauty of motherhood

2011-05-23T00:12:00.000-07:00

I just had to share this beautiful photo from my beloved MW, Olivia with her daughter Zora.

Olivia's caption: Love is when you don't mind sitting in an akward position for nearly an hour while your beloved sleeps :)

And later that same night, my little guy woke up very disgruntled. He was clammy and mosquito-bitten, and he pulled off his diaper... He finally settled himself, lay his head on my chest and fell back asleep. He must have been jealous of Zora! And I found more pillows to keep me propped up so he'd be comfortable. I felt like I could have stayed like that all night, just breathing in his sweet scent, feeling the softness of his skin, and watching the rise and fall of his breathing...

Of course, in retrospect, I'm very thankful to Yoram for gently helping me put on a new diaper and lay him down in his own bed (for at least a few hours till he came back in to our room!)

Is this supposed to break me, or inspire me to fight the system?

2011-04-05T17:26:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to sleep. And I can't.

It's almost 2:30 in the morning and I really need to sleep, for the past 2 days I've been trying to process this experience and understand how to fit it into my life and now it's keeping me up despite my best efforts to relax, to think about other things - I even drank some wine to help me relax. To no avail.

I have to express this.

On Monday I took the driving test that is required by Israeli law to transfer my foreign license. According to the law (as written on the DMV website) this test is supposed to be a very short test to see that the driver does in fact know how to handle a car. This is to deter situations where people forge foreign licenses and then come to claim an Israeli one. Or so I'm told. Because once upon a time an Oleh was able to present their valid license and receive a valid license. I don't fully understand why they can't just do a routine check with the DMV in the state of the issued license to check if it's valid. Especially between Israel and the US - where I am still a citizen and where I pay taxes. (meaning, the two countries have an allied relationship. and some would say even an interdependency - whatever let's not get into that.)

An immigrant is given 2 chances to pass this driving test after which they must take a written test and then a regular driving test. Last year I made all the arrangements, found a driving instructor, scheduled a test and failed. You know what? I failed. I hadn't driven in nearly 6 months because we don't have a car. The instructor I chose was terrible and I have since found out that everyone in the industry knows that. (If you live in the North and you want to check that your instructor in Kiryat Shmona is not this guy, you can contact.me - I'm not going to slander him, but I'll tell you who he's not.) Anyway, on that test, I actually drove into a street that had a Do Not Enter sign. (note that the sing was extremely faded and not in full view, but I violated it all the same.)

This time I came prepared. I found a really good instructor - Niv. (You can call me for his number if you need someone) I still don't have a car, and am technically no longer allowed to drive on my NJ license cuz I've been here more than a year, so I did the right thing. I took a bunch of lessons in Kiryat Shmona, he took me on all the test routes, he pointed out the hard bits, I did great. By the time the tester sat down next to me, I was feeling totally Zen. I felt completely confident in my ability to drive, I felt completely confident that all outcomes are in God's hands and we proceeded. I even was able to overcome my Brooklyn habit of always being ready at the gas!

There was another girl in the car with me, a teenager who was going to be taking her test second and who had already failed two or three times.

I drove beautifully, no problems - then Hashem sent me a challenge, and I slipped. It seems that a particular small street in Kiryat Shmona starts off as a one way street and then without any signage becomes a two way street. I didn't drive on the wrong side of the street. That wasn't the issue. What I did do was when I was asked to make a left at the end of that street, I signaled and then moved to the left to make the turn from the left side which is the law for a one way street. Once my mistake was pointed out to me I immediately (and calmly with no hesitation or nervousness) corrected myself and continued driving.

You're asking yourself how this is fair because how was I supposed to know that it changed to a two way? As everyone who drives in Israel knows, there are no lines on the street. On this particular day, no one drove up on my left either, and it happened that there were no cars parked facing the wrong way (although as everyone in Israel knows that wouldn't mean anything either.) What did happen was that I crossed an intersection. And when a street reaches an intersection - all previous bets are off. This includes changes in speed limit. If there is a sign indicating a change in speed limit, this means until a new sign or until an intersection - that's important information all you olim!

So anyway, everything else went just fine and the tester was actually quite nice about it, and I still felt confident. The girl who took her test next was awful! I'm sorry, but my gage these days is whether or not I am made to feel like hurling, and she was so choppy, and she was speeding several times - which he pointed out, and she accelerated into a dangerous turn instead of breaking - which he pointed out, and then she stayed in the left lane of a larger two lane street (on which she was speeding) which he pointed out, which you can also get a ticket for in this country.

When we got out of the car I felt very confident that although I had slipped up, I proved what I was supposed to prove, and the tester was aware that this was a foreign transfer and that the story was finally over.

At 4pm my instructor called and tried to find my name on his list of people who passed. He wasn't sure of my last name, even when I repeated it but he said he couldn't find it on the list and he was sorry. He told me that when he gets my form the next day we would know why I failed and that was it.

I decided that mistakes happen, and continued to pray that this was a fluke. Because I mean, we have to get to Jerusalem for Pesach - a family of 5 with suitcases and not to mention my belly. And not only that, but we are going to be there for a week and a half, and had planned on taking some trips since it is the only time of year that Yoram has vacation. And I was gonna keep asking for what I felt was right until I had a clear answer that the answer is no. (you know like kids do to their parents all the time.)

But that's not all. If I have to take this test over it means the following - getting to Kiryat Shmona and paying to take the written test one day, I won't be able to retake the driving test until next month. That means another lesson or two since I won't have driven in that time, it means getting back and forth to Kiryat Shmona, it means finding places for my kids after school... It means that I am being made a victim of this stupid beaurocracy that is complete nonsense and that is so ingrained that it is impossible to fight.

Today at around 1pm (after many tearful prayers and a lot of processing) my instructor called me and I was prepared for an answer - whatever it was.

(the conversation - mostly in Hebrew, went like this)

"Ayelet, I don't know why you failed."

"what?"

"on your green form, he wrote 'fail' but the test form where he needs to write why is missing"

"what do you mean? so maybe there was a mistake. I don't accept that. Unless I see why he's failing me I'm going to fight this! I proved that I can drive, that is all that was required of me on this test. What happened to the other girl?"

"She passed."

"What??? She told you the mistakes she made! How did he pass a teenager that failed 3 times and made clear mistakes and not me? A mother of 3 with 14 years of driving experience? What do we do now?"

"Ayelet, drop it, he can do whatever he wants. Tomorrow I will go into the DMV and find out what happened to your form. But that's about it. If he says you failed you failed."

"I don't accept it, Niv. Not until I see that form."

"But you made a left turn from the wrong lane. He can fail you for that."

"Niv, this is not ok. If I had the form I would understand, but maybe there is room to try and fight this - because you know I can drive!"

"So write a letter and I will take it with me tomorrow. Write exactly what you told me. But this is Israel, Ayelet, you can't fight this. It's not America."

We hung up.

Most Olim after a couple of years accept the israeli mentality of "Ayn Ma la'asot" (nothing can be done). That's the way it is, there's no fighting it. So I'm being reticent. I believe that everything comes from Hashem. But I don't believe that means that we lie down and accept injustice.

I want to fight this, but I feel that I'm alone. and one little shnook from NY is not going to make any sort of difference against the department of transportation. But I feel that my rights are being violated - and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Maybe it wasn't in your driving test, but somewhere in this ridiculous system, you've been taken advantage of because you didn't know the language or all the rules and they used that against you. Sometime during your Aliyah you've been made to feel unwelcome by the very authorities that should be supporting you.

I need some help. And honest opinions. Am I out of my mind? Am I supposed to just accept this and take the test again (and everything that comes with it) and pay another ~800 shekel when all is said and done? And just chalk it up to "ayn ma laasot?" I'm in Israel now? Or should I rally the forces, find others who oppose this and who have experienced this and launch a full scale attack on this insanity. It has to stop somewhere. Just as there is a reason for everything, there is also a reason that a large percentage of world Jewery was exiled to North America before coming here. We have a different experience. We know better. Should we not be trying to make things better for everyone here?

I want to go in there tomorrow with Niv and find out what happened - but Niv's exact words to me on the topic were, (in Hebrew) "Ayelet, let it go. It's a waste of your energy to fight this office. You don't know them, they don't care about anyone! If you spit on them, they'll piss on you. They don't care. It's a waste of your energy that is better spent studying for the written exam, and moving on."

Obviously, as evidenced by the fact that I'm writing about this at 3:15am, I'm not ready to accept this. What is the next step then? Suck it up and get used to it? Or try to make a change?

(And while we're on the topic - anyone know what the maximum penalty is for driving on a foreign license past the alloted time? Just curious.)

Overworked and Underpaid in Israel... another news inspired post

2011-01-26T15:35:00.000-08:00

I just read this article in Haaretz about the growing problem of poverty in Israel.

The author suggests that the government implement welfare to work programs and vocational training, and that's all fine and good... but I don't think that is truly treating the root of the problem. In my opinion, that's just another ~~band-aid~~ plaster (as we call it here!)

I know I've only been here for 2 years, but I'm taking the liberty to comment on this from a personal perspective.

B"H, Yoram got a job relatively quickly as Aliyah stories go. We moved to Katzrin in May and he was hired as a temp worker in the winery in August. Within the last year, he was promoted to a full time employee, and although there are many wonderful benefits of his job (not the least of which is free wine!) his income alone puts us right in the above statistics. And he works haaard!

I'm going to make a bold statement. In my opinion, the lack of education is what's causing more people to drop below the poverty line. The problem is that pay is not commensurate with workload in most "middle class" jobs.

In most of Israel, certainly here in the Golan, a one-income family is not even the dream that most couples aspire to achieve - only needing two incomes would suffice!

Vocational training programs, as well as easily attained government subsidies to attend them, exist in spades here. But what happens once you enter your new profession? Will you now suddenly feel fulfilled and able to sustain a lifestyle that allows for even the most meager purchases over "basic needs"? or even those actual basic needs (without going into overdraft!)?

Probably not.

Maybe if you're single and live in your parent's Mamad. But not if you actually want to get married and have a family.

What we need is to raise minimum wage to something that reflects the actual prices of groceries and basic amenities. We need a way to encourage companies and employers to pay higher salaries and give more merit based and need based raises. Benefits packages need to be re-evaluated to reflect the needs of the allegedly vanishing middle class families.

an overly generous social welfare system that leads to people finding it easier to stay home and live off of welfare checks than heading back to work

Considering that in most cases a second income will not cover daycare - you might also be tempted to take the "easy" road of unemployment if it means you get to raise your own kids - or even see them and spend time with them instead of being completely exhausted from the 2 or 3 jobs that you are working just to pay the bills.

And then, once all that's done, and we "middle-classers" have a little disposable income - that's when we North Americans will be needing our Sunday's back to shop!

What's in your backpack?

2011-01-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

This post is inspired by Crazy Stable's recent post about the sad reality of the death of playtime (my high school English teacher is not going to like that sentence!) You should read it.

It reminded me of a recent experience with Tani and an inspection of the contents of his backpack...

Tani is learning in an anthroposophic learning environment where he and his 13 classmates learn through experience, movement, art, etc... He knows all his letter and numbers up to 13 (they just started numbers a few weeks ago), he creates phenomenal drawings based on the readings of the weekly Torah portion, and he can sounds out words that he sees with ease. Yes, Mom, I know you think he's exceptional - but you're biased, ok? His classmates are on par.

He doesn't get homework. About a month ago Yoram realized that Tani's backpack was really heavy and we wondered what's inside it? It's not like he's lugging textbooks and binders like his public school counterparts... so we asked him to show us.

"Oh," I said, "exactly what a six year old should have in his backpack!"
The full inventory:

a small green towel from his pre-school graduation (always know where your towel is!)
several rocks of varying shapes, colors and sizes - he also told us the names of some of them, such as flint and basalt
a collection of sticks
some bits of crayon
his case of colored pencils that I embroidered with his name (by hand! didn't know I was that talented, didja?)

After reading the above post, I was so thankful that my kids have more fun with rocks and sticks than with digital apparatus. And can I put in a shameless Golan Aliyah plug here? It helps that we live in a town where the kids can go play outside themselves, where the prominence of digital play pieces is extremely low, and where we have lots and lots of nature and animals 10 minutes walk in any direction!

Thanks for the inspiration! And thanks for sharing the post, Lenore, @FreeRangeKids!

My blogging as guided by a six yr old

2010-12-28T11:54:00.000-08:00

Can you please tell me I'm not the only one - sometimes I just can't remember my kids' names! It's not that there are so many of them, but there are usually at least 7 other things going on in my brain while I am trying to address the concern of my little bundle of joy - whatshisname.

Today's episode - Netanel Chimes In

Mommy is cooking dinner in the kitchen, chopping carrots and sweet potatoes for red lentil soup (recipe below!). She just managed to put the baby down in the salon to play with his siblings, and is just beginning to feel the sweetness of working with two hands - when chaos strikes!

A toy was grabbed, hair was pulled, crying ensues...

Mommy (calling from the kitchen as she chooses between curry and cumin, finally deciding on both): Netanel, can you please help with sh-oh-ne- the- that-"

Netanel (incredulously): Yitzchak?

Mommy: Yes! Please help him to stop crying.

Netanel (now with impunity): Mooommy! What? You don't even know you're child's name?

Mommy (absently, stirring the soup): sometimes.

Netanel (with the know-it-all essence only a six year old can convey): (chuckles) you don't even know your kids' names! Blog that!

So I did. :-)

Absent-minded One-handed Red Lentil Soup recipe:

Ingredients:

2 onions, chopped

3 carrots, chopped or grated

2 sweet potatoes, in chunks

1 apple, grated

4 cloves garlic, minced

2 liters of water

1 cup red lentils, rinsed

spices: salt, pepper, cumin, turmeric, curry, 1 bay leaf, 4 whole cloves, 4 dried myrtle berries

Sautee onion in olive oil over low heat (that way it doesn't burn while you run to wipe a nose, flush a toilet, sooth some tears, etc...)

add carrots, sweet potato, apple

add the ground spices and stir until aromatic

add garlic, sautee for about 30 seconds

add water, bring to a boil (you wanna raise the heat now!)

throw in the lentils and the bay leaf, cloves and berries (if you're not sure what these are, you can skip them!)

Simmer for about an hour, remove bay leaf, cloves and berries, and hit that pot with an immersion blender!

(If it seems like it still needs something, it does - lemon juice. Squeeze in about a 1/4 cup of lemon juice and you will have soupy bliss!)

Yes, its a political post... so shoot me

2010-11-22T14:39:00.000-08:00

A law was passed in the Knesset today that is very refreshing. As I read the article in the Jerusalem Post, I breathed a deep sigh of relief and offered thanks to The Holy One for a glimpse of the goodness so often hidden from our sight.

The law states that in order to hand over any annexed land (such as my home in the Golan for example) in a peace deal, the proposal would have to be approved by a super majority vote in the Knesset or a national referendum. Can I get a "Baruch Hashem!" (more appropriate in the this case than "Hell yeah!" but with a similar connotation)

I don't usually read the news, I find it too depressing, and anyway, what truth can you really get from the media? Take this enlightening little snippet that I came across yesterday about the alleged hoax of the Muhamed Al-Dura killing 10 years ago. It's stories like this that bastion my decision to stay far away from news reports...

But times have changed, and I find myself stumbling upon a news article here and there... and it's nice to finally see something heartening - until you read the appalling response of Kadima leader, Tzipi Livni to the bill. I'll quote it in just a second...

Israel is a democracy right? The only one in the Middle East - maybe that's why the definition can be applied to loosely? No one to compare to around here... As I read it, partly out loud for Yoram's benefit and to assure I was understanding it correctly, I got to the quote:

“The question today concerns national referendums in general and not the specific topic presented as part of this bill. There is a question of principle here, and it has nothing to do with who wants to give away parts of Israel,”

Here I stopped and interjected, "because god forbid we should actually give power to the people!" To which Yoram responded, "she actually said that?" I said no... until I kept reading...

Kadima Chairwoman Tzipi Livni told her faction during the meeting. “These are decisions that leaders who understand the scale of the problems and are exposed to all of its aspects are supposed to make. The public is not a substitute for good leadership.”

What??!!! Sorry, can I say that again... WHAT?!?!

Livni slammed Netanyahu, describing him as “a weak prime minister who finds it comfortable to be constrained,” and argued that the law “has nothing to do with right and left, but rather about how decisions are made in this democracy. There is one national referendum, and it is general elections.”

And in case you weren't sure yet about how Ms. Livni defines democracy, we have this lovely little nail to knock into the proverbial coffin:

“This is not a about asking the nation, but about giving a veto to decisions made by the elected government and the Knesset,” Livni complained. A large number of Kadima MKs, including Mofaz, indicated that they would not participate in the vote rather than vote against the measure.

Choosing not to participate in the vote, dear Knesset Members is in direct opposition to the very concept of a democracy.

I love living here, and I believe with all my heart (however archaic) that this is the Land which was promised to Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov to be inherited by their children for all time. I believe this is where the Jewish future is. But I think there is a lot of work to be done here.

That being said, I must also reiterate my infinite thanks to Hashem that this law did in fact pass and that if some upstart Leftist lunatic ever decides that we should be evacuated in favor of Syrian dominion over my home - at least I'll be able to throw in my vote and know it will be heard.

Dave Barry on birth in the modern world

2010-11-07T09:11:00.000-08:00

In all relationships there are things that you bring and things that your husband brings, and even after 9 years, you can still pick up items and say, "oh, that B52's album is from my husbands pre-marriage days..." and other such things.

One of the things my beloved husband brought with him that I didn't think would interest me is a compilation of 4 Dave Barry books called, "All the Dave Barry You Could Ever Want" It would probably have remained on the shelf as a conversation piece if one of our good friends wasn't already a Dave Barry fan. Whenever he is over, he take it out to read. He happened to have left it out on the couch the last time he was here, and as I was sitting and nursing this evening, I decided to pick it up and randomly open it. And this is what I found:

In his book, "Dave Barry's Guide to Babies and Other Hazards of Sex" he talks about the cost of having a baby:

"In primitive times, having a baby was very inexpensive. When women were ready to give birth, they simply went off and squatted in a field; thiss cost nothing except for a nominal field rental charge. Today, of course, the medical profession prefers that you have your baby in a hospital, because only there can doctors, thanks to the many advances in medical equipment and techniques, receive large sums of money."

Love it!

I don't know if I'll ever listen to the B52's album, but after 8 and a half years of marriage, my husband's made a Dave Barry fan out of me!

Let's go to the movies...

2010-11-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

I have a totally random thought that I decided to share... That's what blogging is all about right? :-)

This clip is from one of my all time favorite movies, Annie. And it illustrates an interesting point that came up today in conversation...

Somehow our lunch table conversation stumbled upon movies, "have you seen this Avatar yet?" and "Do you believe their releasing a Pirates of the Caribbean 4?!"

I don't mind discussing movies from an artistic perspective - the plot and script from a literary standpoint, the cinematography, and my favorite subject - the sociology of movies. What makes a movie popular? What demographic was it targeting and why did it succeed or not. One of my guests, a good friend, said she hates sequels, they are almost always a waste. She said she was so upset by the 2nd and 3rd Pirates movie, to which her husband added, "they should have just let that franchise die." And then my friend's next question was, "so when are we going to see Harry Potter 7?!"

Harry Potter is not something I am going to see in the theater, but I'll rent it I'm sure. Eventually our conversation turned to other things, and the subject was left off.

Then later this evening I was thinking about it. I actually enjoyed the Pirates trilogy, and although I won't rush to see it in theaters, I will probably watch the 4th movie as well. So does that make me dense, or uncultured, or part of the unthinking masses? I don't think so. I think it just depends on what one expects from their movie viewing experience.

I only watch a very specific kind of movie. A movie that is entertaining, and leaves me feeling happy and unviolated. I appreciate a witty and intelligent script, interesting cinematography and actors who take their work seriously - but not too seriously! I won't complain if the plot is exceptionally unique, the acting superb and the dialog scintillating, but I don't need it.

In the words of Martin Charnin, (who wrote the lyrics for the above number) "Only happy endings, that's our recipe..." That's a good movie for me!

Uncomfortably numb...

2010-11-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

It took me until this minute and writing the title for this post to realize that what I'm experiencing is actually numbness... the question is why?

We have a big decision in front of us right now, and it's weighing so heavily in me that I can't even feel it. The number of factors and variables seem endless and the consequences of a wrong decision would add significant difficulty to our lives. I guess my heart knows that if it would also contribute to the situation by adding the emotional aspect of the choices, I'd just collapse, so I think that's why I've gone numb... and yet, the drum is still beating and a decision must be reached.

I'm hoping that writing will help, so you're along for the ride - and comments are sooo very welcome!

We came to the Golan w/ a dream of living on a moshav (small settlement) and having some land to have a homestead. We came to Katzerin b/c there was no place to rent on any of the religious moshavs, and we weren't (are still not) in a position to buy anything.

We've been in Katzerin for a year and a half now. We have friends, we love our neighbors, we've become the unofficial "absorption center" and "guest house" of Katzerin and we love it! But we don't have room for even a garden. (Although we do have a lemon tree!) Anyway, just when we thought we'd push off our decision of where in the Golan to settle down for another year, our landlord called to tell us that they want to sell the house. So we won't be renewing this lease... and now we have to make a decision...

Now I need to backtrack... A few months ago I visited Avnei Eitan to pick something up. It is a beautiful settlement where lots of people have animals, and most are farmers. The yishuv had recently closed their absorption process because they were over capacity and had no new lots available. When I left, I told my husband that I think I'd like to live there if they were still accepting new families. It just resonated with me. But no klita meant I didn't have to think about it anymore b/c it's not an option...

... 2 weeks ago I started a new job as client manager for a tourism company in Avnei Eitan. Since we don't have a car at the moment, I have been working mainly from home with the idea of going in once a week via hitchhiking... I don't mind being in the office, but I find that I waste a lot of time getting back and forth and I'm more productive at home...

... the local weekly magazine has a real estate section in which there is a separate column for rentals in the settlements. Every week I look there and say - "some day a rental is going to be posted here in one of the religious places, and we're just going to go!" Last Friday a listing appeared for a rental in... Avnei Eitan.

I saw the house today. It is small. 2 bedrooms, 1 bath in 72 meters. But this little house is situated on 3000 sq. meters, and the view from the back yard is to die for. It is also being completely gutted and redone (although not expanded) so it will be brand new. My new boss is also on the yishuv board. He let me in on the scoop that there will be land available to build on within the next 2 years (the term of the lease on this house) it will not include farm land though.

What would this all mean? It would mean we have the opportunity to give our dream a try. We'd have two years to live on the yishuv, and have our homestead, we'd have the opportunity to get information on possibly renting farmland once we would decide to build, and we would know the truth about our ability to live our dream.

So what is the catch? Here's the downside of all this:

1. Living in a smaller place means no guests (although I'm sure neighbors would be willing to host family, and there are also lovely zimmers available for rent)

2. Living outside of Katzerin makes not having a car much more difficult and buying a car now would deplete our "building fund"

3. Living oustide of Katzerin means that we won't be the "absorption center" of Katzerin anymore.

4. We really like our friends here, and our neighbors. Although I can answer this concern, since Katzerin is the "city" of the Golan, we would still be in contact with our friends here and would probably see them fairly often as we would likely be travelling back and forth somewhat regularly. And Avnei Eitan is only 25 minutes from Katzerin, so going visiting is not that big a deal.

How would I handle being so limited in having guests? Even for meals, it would be tight in the space, although for most of the year eating outside is a comfortable option.

I know there are people who live on the yishuv without a car, and just as our current plan is to occasionally rent a car, we could still do that there.

Just when we were starting to feel like we could breathe we are back to feeling completely unsettled!

My faith is unwavering, I know that everything is from Hashem and on one hand I feel compelled to follow the pretty obvious signs that I'm being given, but doesn't it just seem a little too easy?? Can we really have reached that stage of closeness and connection that our needs would just be handed to us, so very neatly?

My gut is telling me to go with it, make the move and don't look back. "Keep moving forward" as another legendary dreamer once said... So what do you think???

There's one more little experience to add to this... this afternoon as I turned all this over in my mind one of the thoughts that came to me was that in the yishuvim there are very few lights at night, so one could sit outside one's house a really see the starts. Katzerin, despite it's relative tininess compared to actual cities, still has a full array of street lights blighting all but the brightest stars and planets. But then I thought, "but come on, how really important is that anyway." About 2 hours ago, the entire city lost power, my kids were already asleep, so I went outside and sat on the bench in front of my house... and looked up at the clear, moonless, cloudless sky. I felt like I was being shown a slice of eternity. Nostalgia for summers camping in Lake George kicked in very strong, and I thought, "if we rent that house, I could do this every night."

Fresh bread and butter... heaven!

2010-10-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

The most delicious thing in the world, in my opinion, is a generous glob of butter spread on fresh-out-of-the-oven bread. Sprinkle on some sea salt, and life just got even better!

So due to popular demand ;-) here is my favorite
Quick and Easy Bread Recipe (that you can even make by hand!)

Ingredients:
4-6 cups flour (any type, I use 100% Whole Wheat and it comes out awesome!)
2 Tbs yeast
2 Tbs brown sugar or honey
1 Tbs kosher salt
3 cups warm water
(for crusty bread: a cake pan of hot water)

Directions:
proof yeast w/ water and sugar
In a large bowl combine 3 cups flour with the salt
Add the bubbly yeast mixture a little at a time while stirring (I like to use the "Well" method, if you're not familiar, leave a comment!)
cover and let stand for about 20 minutes
Add enough flour to make a soft but sturdy dough
Form into 2 round loaves, or 10-12 rolls, whatever suits your needs
cover and let rise 30 minutes
run a knife over the top of each loaf to allow air to escape during baking (make a very shallow cut)

Put the bread in a cold oven and turn on to 400F/205C
place a cake pan of hot water on the bottom rack of the oven for crusty bread!
Bake for 40 min for loaves, 1/2 hour for rolls

As soon as it's cool enough to handle, cut yourself a slice and spread some butter on it, your tastebuds will love you forever!!

Enjoy!

Little bits of silliness after bedtime

2010-10-20T15:25:00.000-07:00

I'll spare you all the apologies for the pathetic and inexcusable hiatus since my last post in June... :-) Let's just jump back in now, shall we?

Tonight I let Netanel stay up late. Yoram's working the night shift this week (damn harvest!), Odeliya and Yitzchak hadn't napped and therefore fell asleep easily and early, so I got to hang out with my little man.

After hearing some great stories, seeing his latest paper airplane flight tests, and talking about the seven noahide laws (hehehe!!)... Netanel was finally in pj's and lying in my bed. I let. Netanel is still talking, he's telling me about space monkeys and swinging on rubber bands and about proper body mechanics for swinging through the jungle, and I would really like him to say shema and fall asleep. But he's so cute, and when do I ever really get to listen to him and spend time with him alone? The dishes can wait, the toys can be picked up tomorrow... so then he says that something "sucks" and I'm back in the present and this is where the fun begins...

Me: Netanel, I know you've heard that word, and it's not that it's a bad word, but it is, well, you only use that word when you really mean it.
Netanel: Well what does it mean?
Me: (chuckle) It means really bad, like "על הפנים" ("al hapanim" lit. "on the face")
Netanel: (a look of understanding flashes in his eyes, followed by a glint of mischief) You know what else is "al hapanim"? When someone throws a pillow and (he pulls the pillow out from under his head) it lands like this (pulling it over his face) that's al hapanim too.
Me: (I get it...) and you know what else is al hapanim? This mosquito bite (pointing to his forehead)
Now I take my phone off the night table and in a mock annoyed voice I say, while putting the phone on his face, "This phone is על הפנים!" now the stuffed animal, "look, meow is al hapanim!" (giggles from netanel, smiles from ear to ear)

We went back and forth for a while thinking of things that would be "on the face" in more way than one. And at the end of a long week like this one, at the beginning of another long night till Yoram comes home, I was reminded, once again, of what I love about being a mother.

The best teacher...

2010-06-09T00:25:00.000-07:00

....experience, but it can also cause the most heartbreak. This is a beautiful and informative blog post about an OB/GYN's experiential realizations about birth.
My heart is with you, Dr. Poppy! And may your words be the voice of experience for others.

http://www.drpoppy.com/wordpress/?p=116

It is long, but a very worthwhile read.

March 19th, 2010

As I type, I look over at my one-week old baby zonked out in his cradle swing and am in awe at how awesome his arrival was. Instead of having my third c-section as scheduled, I went into labor on my own (first time in 5 tries) and delivered him (precipitously in fact), one hour before I was to arrive at the hospital for my surgery. I find this wonderful and quite ironic in light of the recent NIH VBAC conference in Bethesda, MD; I had just downloaded the consensus statement and was digesting it while awaiting my baby’s arrival (more on that later).

In order to tell the story of how I ended up with a surprise VBAC, I have to start at the beginning of my long and adventurous reproductive journey. My first pregnancy ended in the first trimester with a miscarriage and heavy bleeding requiring a D&C to stop it. I was a OB/Gyn resident at the time and was surrounded by high risk OB patients every day. I trained in downtown Philadelphia where an addicted mom with no prenatal care could deliver on one end of the hall, while a high risk IVFer from the Main Line might be delivering on the other end. Although we worked side by side with midwives, we only became involved if their patients developed complications or needed a C-section. Needless to say, like most OB residents, my experience with normal, low-risk physiological birth was minimal. Being pregnant in this environment and then losing the baby certainly colored my perspective. Like any mom who loses a first baby, I was troubled with the worry that I wouldn’t be able to have another baby, so that when I did become pregnant again, I embraced the “we have to be very careful and be supervised very closely with this one” approach. I worked up until term, 36 hr shifts, 100 hr work-weeks, having to turn sideways at the operating table at the end, and then it was decided that I should be induced at 39 weeks due to gestational hypertension. There were no signs of pre-eclampsia and the pressures were not sky-high, but at the time, I fell into the “you’re term, what’s the need to take a chance” mentality and was scheduled for an induction. I went in at night for prostaglandin gel due to an unripe cervix (should have known better) followed by Pitocin the next morning. I labored all day, getting the obligatory epidural that a Pitocin induction necessitates, finally getting to complete around 8 pm. I pushed for 2 1/2 hrs, I used the bar, the sheet, everything the hospital approach has to offer…but the baby was OP and would not rotate with “all” of our maneuvers and so I received a C-section for “arrest of descent.” Happy as I was with my new son, everyone who has labored and then had surgery, knows the pain that you are in for. I wasn’t disappointed in the C-section because at that time, I was still fully entrenched in the “at least I have a healthy baby” mindset.

Despite that experience, I always wanted to have a vaginal birth and since most university hospitals were still doing them regularly (’03), I chose a new doctor whose obstetrical/surgical skills I trusted who would support by desire for VBAC. My pressures started acting up again so I was slated for induction, although this time my cervix was riper and I went right in for Pitocin. They did one of the most inhumane things which was to artifically rupture my membranes on Pitocin in the active phase of labor. Needless to say, an epidural was imperative but I almost couldn’t sit for it due to the pain. This time I pushed for 3 hours, hard pushing, hands and knees at one point (I must have learned something from the midwives), and ended up with a vacuum extraction and a fractured coccyx, from a 7#14oz baby. He had jaundice and a cephalohematoma but hey, I got my VBAC. He today is honored to say, “I broke mom’s butt when I was born.”

Baby number 3 was an easier pregnancy although this time I added on gestational diabetes so that plus the usual spike in blood pressures brought us back to induction. Although he was my smallest baby, 7#, he still was delivered by vacuum although my butt remained intact. With baby number 4, I figured another VBAC was practically guaranteed so I didn’t resist the induction assuming the last birth meant smoother sailing now. This time they decided to start the Pitocin the night before, but instead of staying at a low dose overnight, the nurse kept coming in and increasing the dosage. I knew I wasn’t progressing because I was not in active labor, so I questioned her about the dose, reminding her that I did have a scarred uterus. She responded that everything looked fine but she would stop until morning. Morning arrived with the usual course of epidural, AROM and increasing Pitocin. When it came time to push, within 20 minutes, I knew something was wrong. Despite the epidural, I could tell he wasn’t coming down with my pushing and by the frazzled looks of everyone in the room, I knew the heart tones were dropping. I looked at my husband and told him we needed to stop. By the time they got down to the uterus in the OR, it became clear that if we wouldn’t have stopped, I would have had a uterine rupture. As it was, I had what is called a uterine window, they were able to see the baby’s hair through a very thin lower uterine segment.

Finally, I made the connection between the induction and the narrow avoidance of catastrophe. So with baby number five, I knew I did not want another induction. Interestingly, this pregnancy was also my healthiest. I had made a concentrated effort before becoming pregnant to address my diet and treat my vitamin deficiencies, so I had no blood sugar or blood pressure problems, kept my weight gain to 15 pounds and did not have any obstetric problems other than being an advanced maternal age grandmultipara with a history of 2 c-sections! Knowing that I had never gone into spontaneous labor, I felt the safest route was to do a scheduled repeat C-section at 40 weeks. I did put it into God’s hands and had been in prayer that I was open to the baby coming forth in whatever way he was supposed to…and so I went into spontaneous labor at 2 am, the morning of surgery, got to the hospital at 4:30 and was 9 cm dilated. The staff asked me what I wanted to do and I said, “I’m going to have him!” They also offered me an epidural (too late for that) and IV pain meds (I certainly didn’t want a narced up baby), so unmedicated it was, and he was born at 5:13 AM, a beautiful, alert 7#11oz baby boy who latched right on and has been peaceful ever since. Not having to recover from an extensive surgery was a gift for which I continue to be amazed and grateful.

Reflecting back over my journey, I see how much the field of obstetrics has managed to contribute and sometimes outright cause complications, all the while assuming they are just keeping everyone safer. And I see how much fear has overtaken the natural birthing process. I’ve said before that shows like Deliver Me, A Baby Story, and Birth Day should be renamed “Fear Factor” because they play on a woman’s often natural concerns about the birth by portraying the whole process as highly dramatic, with a woman strapped down and hooked up, by a doctor gowned and gloved like an alien visitor and often highlighting very anxious family members. Sure a woman has fear, fear that something is going to happen to her or the baby, fear of pain, fear of failure, that she just won’t be able to “do it.” Add in snarky, cynical nurses and doctors who ridicule anyone who seems to want to be in charge of her birth (after all we’re the experts)…limited labor support or assistance in the form of doulas or labor coaches except in certain areas…restricted mobility, food and drink…and almost endless interventions and you have potential for trouble. We have cultivated an environment that this is normal, and somehow now some women even find value in being “risky.” My mentor, Dr. Lauren Plante, a maternal-fetal medicine specialist who had two midwife-attended home births, wrote about this in anessay entitled “Mommy, what did you do in the industrial revolution?” Meditations on the rising cesarean rate: “Although the inherent literal meaning of the high-risk pregnancy is one that entails a higher risk of a poor outcome (for mother or baby), the sub-text seems to be that high-risk equals high-value…is it the Disneyfication of a primal human endeavor, longing for the synthetic and dramatized in preference to the authentic?” In other words, do we have more regard for the Main-Liner’s IVF-achieved pregnancy who has an elective c-section over the addicted mother’s unmedicated spontaneous birth?

All of the repeat C-sections and almost extinction of VBAC, have not really prevented poor outcomes as revealed by the NIH VBAC conference. Women who have a trial of labor after a previous cesarean have a lower risk of maternal mortality compared to those who have a repeat cesarean. Although there is a higher risk of uterine rupture with trial of labor, spontaneous labor versus induction has the lowest risk. And there have been no reports of maternal mortality due to uterine rupture (we were constantly told…mother and baby could die with VBAC). Repeat C-sections are also associated with an increased risk of abnormal placental position and growth in subsequent pregnancies, which also increases risk of cesarean hysterectomy. Although there is an increased risk of perinatal mortality with trial of labor, the risk is small and not that different from a laboring woman with her first pregnancy. Issues related to medical liability are a big concern for many practitioners, a fact that could be alleviated or helped by tort reform and hospitals assuming some malpractice costs up front. In our local hospital, although the hospital allows VBACs, there is at least one doctor who simply doesn’t want to take any risk and personally won’t do VBACs. This approach is unfortunate since the overall finding of the NIH conference is that trial of labor is a safe option for many women and that women should be fully informed so that they may make the best decision for them. ACOG certainly needs to revise its mandate that anesthesia and c-section should be available immediately so that more rural hospitals can still offer VBAC to their patients without feeling they are not within standard of care. Can you imagine if I had been in a VBAC-banned hospital and been forced to have surgery at 9 cm dilated? Can you imagine how that would have increased my potential for morbidity and even mortality? Should everyone have a VBAC? No, but every woman should still have the opportunity to discuss her personal issues and whether it could be an option for her, and she should be not be forced to have surgery against her will due to a medically-unsubstantiated VBAC ban. We should continue to make efforts to reduce medically unnecessary inductions for mom and baby’s well-being, we should attempt to humanize cesareans for moms who need to have them, we should properly evaluate and assess each VBAC individually to decrease risk, and we should place natural labor and birth back into the realm of the norm, with the interventions and surgeries reserved for the truly high-risk.

Tzachi is walking!

2010-06-08T23:49:00.001-07:00

I'm sooo in for it!

Live and let die

2010-05-31T23:11:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to refill Netanel's water bottle, and found little particles floating around in the bottle - mmm, kiddie backwash... Anyway... I decided that our mint plant would probably appreciate it more than me, so I went out to the porch to give dear Nana a drink. As I turned to go back inside I heard a crunch and pulled back my foot so fast I almost fell.

Sure enough, I had crushed a large cockroach. Gross. I'm not a huge fan of the things, although I'm not sure why. They really are just ugly and large, not harmful... and we actually don't ever see them in the house (thank The Holy Protector Of Bugs and People!) and normally, when I have caught one outside, I just kick it into the garden and send it on it's merry way... so I was unprepared for my inadvertent murder.

When I came back inside, Netanel asked me why I shrieked. So I told him. His first reaction was, "Can I see?!"

We stopped to look at the poor, inverted thing with its guts splayed about it, and he said, "It's ok, Mommy, the ants will come eat it!" So I'm fully impressed at this point by my son's grasp of the "Great Circle of Life" but then it gets better.

I didn't want to leave it on the porch, so I got the broom and swept it off to the pavement. And then my son sighed, "Chaval! (loosely translated as "too bad") You moved the ants' food! Look," pointing to a few ants marching across the porch, "they were already on their way!"

I reassured him that the ants would find their succulent breakfast, and we made our way to preschool.

I love my kids!

The non-existential post

2010-05-31T00:04:00.000-07:00

There's something brewing just under the surface of my consciousness, and it's not the coffee. It's a transformation I'm experiencing and I have been trying to express it in words for the past month to no avail.

Yesterday I applied myself to the task. The house was quiet, Yoram was doing work for a client, the kids were asleep, I'd had a productive day. I opened up a new post in blogger and started to write - nothing. I tried WordPress, thinking it might help to use a different format. Still nothing. So I shut off the internet and opened a document in OpenOffice, thinking that if I treat it as a random piece of writing as opposed to something I plan on sharing with the world, maybe the creative juices would start flowing... Not even a sentence emerged.

I closed my computer, and dug out a pen and a paper notebook - I abandoned the idea of a title or any purpose at all, just allowed the pen to flow along the sheets of lined paper... It did flow, which I discovered when I woke up half an hour later with ink marks on my hand and my cheek!

So I've decided to let that go for now. Apparently this new experience is not ready to have an expression outside of myself yet.

Since I am sure that you are now reading this feeling very let down and disappointed, fear not! I will not leave you thus sulking in uncertainty and anticipation! I will leave you with something much more substantial and exciting than the expression of my existential transformation could possibly achieve...

Recipes!

I made a really delicious salmon for Shavuot that was inspired by a recipe in Sally Fallon's book Nourishing Traditions. I humbly submit it for your enjoyment:

Salmon and Scallions

Ingredients:

5-7 salmon fillets
bunch of green onions (scallions) chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped or crushed
1" chunk of ginger, grated
1/4 C soy sauce
1/4 C rice vinegar
1/4 C honey
juice of 1 lemon
salt and pepper

Instructions:

preheat oven to 350F/190C
lightly grease a 9x13 pan or use parchment paper
lay fillets, skin side down in the pan
sprinkle chopped scallions over salmon
in a bowl combine the rest of the ingredients and pour over salmon
cover tightly and bake 15-20 minutes until just done.
toasted sesame seeds (I prefer toasting them myself, just toss them in a hot skillet until they get brown - but careful not to let them burn!)

I served this at room temperature and then again the next day (and then again a few days later!)

Leftovers keep very well in the fridge

So what are you serving this with??

How about:

Sweet and Spicy Veggies w/ Rice

Ingredients:

1 cup rice, cooked*
4-5 large carrots cut into coins
1 bunch spinach
3 Tbs butter or oil
1/4 C honey
1/2 tsp grated ginger
2 cloves garlic, crushed
salt and pepper

Instructions:

*You can prepare any rice you like in your favorite way. My personal favorite is whole grain basmati rice which I toast with some olive oil before adding boiling water.

wash spinach but don't dry it, just shake off excess water, set aside.
In a medium saucepan (larger than 2 quarts) melt butter over med heat
Add carrots and stir to coat
Cover pot and cook carrots until they just begin to soften (~3-5 min)
Add spinach and stir
Cover pot again and cook another 5 minutes (just enough for the spinach to get wilted and the carrots to soften)
add the rest of the ingredients and stir to coat
cook, covered, another 5 minutes
toss over rice and serve!

The nutritional benefits of this complete meal are fantastic! The combination of the fish with the rice and lightly cooked vegetables ensure that all the nutrients: protein, calcium, iron, carotenes, Vitamins B and C (just to name a few!) are all at their highest levels of bio-availability! (that means your body will actually be able to absorb and use the nutrients in this meal when it is served together.)

בתאבון!

Enjoy!

Lucky/Unlucky Me

2010-05-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

There are always leftovers of the lunches from my son's preschool. Most of the time someone knows someone who could really use free food. But occasionally it's offered up to the first parent to arrive at pick up with a car.

Today I was the lucky one. Since there's no school tomorrow I decided, "what they hey? It'll make my life a little easier tomorrow." So I left with a large plastic bag of gov't issue preschool lunch. Then I got home and looked at what it was.

Unlike my experience in my son's NJ school, we do not receive a menu, and although I ask Netanel what he eats for lunch, I don't always get a straight answer. So this was my first exposure to the actual food that he is being served on a daily basis. I was devastated.

In one plastic container, I found greasy pasta which seemed to be seasoned with soup mix. The second container had canned green beans in a watery red sauce. I can only assume there was a protein main dish that had been finished. Based on what I was looking at for sides, I can only imagine that the main dish was something just as pitiful. Fried, breaded chicken breast? Maybe.

I feel defeated! In my house we eat only whole wheat flour, we stay away from refined sugars, we eat mostly vegetables and fruit, grains and legumes. We have limited dairy intake too. Netanel's behavior is so easily affected by his food, so I try to be very vigilant over what he eats. Why should he be reprimanded for behavior problems caused by the food I give him? If I allow him the occasional treat, we discuss it before hand. I ask him, "Who's in control, Netanel? You or the sugar?" And he tells me that he is, and I tell him that if he is unable to control himself, I will restrain him, and then he can choose to eat the treat or not. Now I feel as if all my hard work is a complete waste of time!

I want to take on the system, get in touch with the Ministry of Education and the Ministry of Health, and start a campaign to bring healthy food to our children. I know it's been done in other places, and I think it's even being done here in some areas of the country. At the same time, I'm so reluctant to take something else onto my heavily burdened shoulders.

This is Netanel's last year in Gan, but next year Odeliya will be starting, with Yitzchak not far behind. Something needs to be done about this, and soon. I am so open to ideas of how to go about this, or maybe even find other people who are already working on getting healthy, fresh food to our kids' schools who's bandwagon I can conveniently jump on.

Till then, I'm going to sleep.

Really useful magic

2010-05-13T07:33:00.000-07:00

I know that following my last post, one might think that there is a running theme here, but really this is entirely unrelated. This is something that has been on my mind for a while, probably since my daughter was born 3 years ago. That's when I realized that to juggle motherhood, wifing (apparently, that's a word, since my spell check isn't underlining it!), running a business and staying conscious was going to require a lot more coffee!

Israel is a coffee culture, not like in the NY metro area (where I spent most of my life), where it's mostly "grab n' go." In Israel, it is not uncommon to see a man sitting alone on his porch in the middle of the day, one leg crossed over the other, with a glass (yes, glass) of turkish coffee in his hand. People sit and drink coffee here, whether alone or in small groups. So I fit right in! Although, I grind my coffee and brew it in a filter, and most Israelis will either drink turkish coffee or instant. But I've converted quite a few of my friends to filtered coffee since I've been here.

So now we come to my dilemma. My amazingly wonderful husband usually sets up the coffee maker before he goes to work, so that when I come downstairs, I only have to turn it on. Lately, I've decided to wait to brew my coffee until I get home from dropping Tani and Odeliya off at gan. The routine goes something like this:

I bring Yitzchak inside, he's whining because he wants to nurse. I know that if I sit down and nurse him, he'll fall asleep, but there's no guarantee that he'll let me put him down. I'd love to be able to sit and enjoy my coffe alone, but I'm also not sure I want to wait that long. After a few seconds of internal turmoil over whether to brew or not to brew, I usually decide to brew the coffee, fill my mug and then sit down to nurse.

Inevitably, a few minutes after I've drained the cup, I distractedly pick up my mug to take another sip, and I'm always disappointed to find it empty. I don't want another full cup of coffee, just a few more sips, and it's not like I'm drinking your standard 8-9oz mug, my coffee mugs are all 16 oz!

So if I had one wish, and I know this is pretty pathetic, but it would be that when I brew a cup of coffee it would magically refill itself until I am fully satisfied. Sometimes you just need a good, long cup of joe!

Why do they celebrate Christmas at Hogwarts?

2010-05-05T03:08:00.000-07:00

I've been sick with the flu for a week, and while I debated posting a deep spiritual awakening that I experienced... well, I figured I'd start with something a little more light-hearted. Especially since I still feel like my cerebrospinal fluid is solidifying and threatening to cause my skull to explode. (In other words, I still have a pretty bad headache.)

So, on with our post. With all due respect to Ms. Rowling, who I'm sure was less concerned with historical accuracy than with relevance for her audience, but wouldn't it be more appropriate for a castle full of witches and wizards to celebrate Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox? Those were, after all, the original pagan celebrations of the seasons. But more disturbing is the fact that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christianity, which was responsible for eradicating anyone who was suspected of magical affiliation, i.e. our lovable young Harry and his delightful little friends, they would have all been mercilessly burned at the stake, their homes and families destroyed by the agents of the religion who's holiday they are celebrating. (sorry for the gruesome imagery, it's the CFS...;-)

Don't get me wrong, Jewish law also deals severely with Jews who dabble in magical arenas, but since the Harry Potter books make no reference to Judaism - except maybe to insinuate that all good Jews practice dentistry... well, anyway, we're just going to keep us out of this particular conversation.

In the meantime, to all you magical beings out there, you should know that I am peeved on your behalf.

How to Bite Noses without Getting Snot on Your Teeth

2010-04-18T02:22:00.000-07:00

Last night Netanel crawled into my bed to say goodnight as I was finishing up the 4th Harry Potter book after only 4 days.
He was noticeably impressed, "Mommy, you are a really speedy reader!"
"Well, you have to be a speedy reader, cuz there's so so much to read!" I quoted from "I Can Read with my Eyes Shut" by Dr. Suess.
"But how am I going to ever be a speedy reader?" The light waning ever so slightly from his impish grin.
"Actually, the only way to become a speedy reader is to start out being a veeeerry slooooow reeeaaader.That's how I got to read so fast. When I was your age, I felt the same way."
And then we started quoting the Dr. Seuss book again. "And when I keep them open/ I can read with much more speed./ You have to be a speedy reader/ 'cause there's so so much to read."
And we were giggling, and then he said, "Like how to bite noses without getting snot on your teeth!"

And then we were more than giggling, we were laughing our veritable tushies off!
"Where did you hear of that one?" Yoram asked, recovering his breath.
"No, Abba, I'm going to write it." Netanel answered evenly, with full confidence.

Yes you will, my sweet one. One day soon, you will.

Channeling Harry Chapin

2010-04-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

You all remember this song, right?

today I watched Netanel take a blank piece of paper and turn it into something that made me cry. First he took a blue crayon and started making a 1 inch wide slab of sky at the top of the page and I knew that the orange triangle of sunshine in the corner would be next, followed by a mirrored green slab at the bottom and some lollipop flowers. I had to do something quck! "Oh! is that blue water?"
He didn't skip a beat, flipped the page over and said, "yes!"
Then there were waves and green seaweed floating and finally, inevitably, the orange glowing triangle in the corner. "What's that?" I asked
"The sun."
"Oh, what other colors are in sun?"
He reached for yellow, and red, and we even put some dark blue around the edge and then some more red and orange...
What happened to my Tani and his free expression?! Why have we not learned how to educate our children without extinguishing their creative spirit? Why is it impossible to differentiate between the paintings and drawings of any child in a kindergarten class?

I want a different life for my children than the one I have. A life where anything is possible, where creativity is rewarded and linear analytical thinking is not the only way to solve a problem.

One morning I watched him do a matching activity with the teacher. He had a card with 6 fish tails on it and you had to find the fish that matched the tails. He took in all six images and began pulling matches out of the box, but the teacher made him put them back and go in order. I wanted to cry. He does not have to do them in order! He does not have to change the way he naturally solves that problem! I'm not saying that we shouldn't offer children other ways of finding solutions, but we have to encourage their own natural abilities and ways of thinking.

Because there are so many colors in the rainbow! But who sees them anymore? How can anyone fix the problems with education when we are all products of the education system we are seeking to change?

What have I done?!?!

2010-04-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

Isn't she adorable?

Yes, that's our backyard.

But she's not ours..... at least not yet.

She's a 2 month old Mini Pinscher-labrador mix that belongs to a neighbor. They're giving all the puppies away, and we were unfortunate enough to pass by this afternoon. The kids fell in love - including Tzachi! Until one of the pups mistook him for a dog and fraternally bit his face! (not hard! but he was startled enough.)

Then I saw her, the smallest of the litter, wandering off by herself, and when she came to me I noticed that she has one blue eye and one brown. Eitan, their owner, saw the look in my eye.
"They don't need special food, they eat scraps from the table. See, this is their mother, this is how big they get."
The gears started turning, the heartstrings churned...
Yoram met us there after work.
"What do you think? Maybe we could take one for a week and see how it goes?"
Yoram, strong, practical Yoram, he melted.
"Take her," said Eitan. "If you don't bring her back in a week, she's yours."

So... anyone have any name suggestions?

When does Hashem rest?

2010-03-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to make time to say morning prayers with Netanel this week, since he's been home. Although I spend most of my day praying - which is to say that I am constantly asking for guidance and help, and saying thank you, etc,... I haven't been very diligent lately about saying any canonized prayers. So it's been a nice opportunity for me too.

This morning I stood up for a part of the Tefilla and Netanel actually lay down on the couch.
"Netanel," says I, "you shouldn't lay down when your davening, it's not respectful to Hashem."
"Why not?" retorts Netanel.
"Well who are we saying these things to? Hashem is all around us all time, right?" Tani nods. He's sitting up now. "Hashem is the power that creates the world, that guides our lives, and gives us everything we need, and when we say tefillot, we are putting ourselves into Hashem's presence to ask for all that we need and want."
"Mommy, but when does Hashem rest?" He asked. I understand the question! I mean, that sounds like a lot of work!
"On Shabbat," I answered. "Right? On the seventh day, Hashem rests. And so do we."

And then the epiphany happened. On Shabbat, we not only rest physically by not doing things that are considered work. (The list is pretty specific, which is why I used that particular wording.) We are also commanded to refrain from speaking or even thinking about non-Shabbat related things. Like business, or what we want to do or accomplish in the coming week, or even sports. We 're not even supposed to request anything from Hashem on Shabbat! The main prayer, called the "Amida" is completely different on Shabbat, instead of the normal 19 supplications, there are none. Only praise and thanks. On Shabbat we reconnect with our Soul, that little part of Godliness that exists within us.
So I answer Netanel's innocent question, and I'm thinking, "Oh, Duh!" Hashem "works" all the time for us. Listening to our prayers, ordering the world so that we can achieve our desires, and fulfill our purpose. But on Shabbat, Hashem is resting, recuperating, and reconnecting with Creation, just as we are reconnecting with our Creator.

So, no, we should not be talking about business, about stocks, about movies, or plans for the week. We should not be thinking about the activities and requirements of the week to come, because aside from detracting from the spiritual nature of the day, it actually disturbs God's rest! Anthropomorphically speaking, of course, when we make requests of our Creator, even in the form of dreaming about our heart's desires, that essentially causes Hashem to "work" to answer those requests.

So thanks to Netanel, in an hour, when Shabbat starts, I'll be much more sensitive to what it means to have a Day of Rest. And I can't wait!

I've been remiss

2010-03-21T13:34:00.000-07:00

I've been out of touch, and I'm sorry!
We've been very busy around here lately, and now we are in Pesach cleaning mode!
But I promise to be back very soon, and to post all the updates, including Odeliya's 3rd Birthday Cuteness, Driving Test Fiasco, Aqcuiring Our First Car, Enjoying Time with Visiting Parents, and Why the First Year of Aliyah Lasts 18 Months!

In the meantime, here's a bit of eye-candy to hold you over till the "big comeback!"

Netanel playing chess with our guest.

Odeliya in all her birthday splendor

Happy Pesach to you!
See you soon!

And now, to end the war...

2010-03-07T02:14:00.000-08:00

Presumptuous? Perhaps...

This morning the kids were fighting. Odeliya started it, Netanel hit back.

Me: Guys, stop fighting and get dressed!

Netanel: But she hurt me!

Me: You don't hurt people because they hurt you, you find a way to make them stop hurting you!

Epiphany! Isn't that the misconception of the century?!

How do I make this stick? We are training our future here, right? I mean Israeli kids know that they're going to serve in the army when they turn 18. My son, despite spending the first 4 years of his life with almost zero exposure to violence (via movies, toys, etc) has always wanted to be a soldier. I remember him taking bites out of his slice of cheese to make a gun - at age 3! At the time, he didn't even know what comes out of a gun, or what happens to the person on the other side of it, and not only that, he only knew what it was at all from seeing other kids pretending to have guns.

Now when he plays at being a soldier or a super hero, fighting "bad guys" we always ask him who they are, why they're bad, and why he needs to fight them. Part of the reason is because we want to know what he's hearing from the people around him, and part of it is because we want to instill him with an understanding of the thin - sometimes vanishing - line between good and bad, especially when it comes to war. When we ask him those questions, we keep it light and we never give him answers, just get him to think about the question.

Trying to annihilate the "fighter" in him, in my opinion, would be folly. I believe it would backfire, because it is something that is obviously in his essence. So we look for ways to foster it and contain it so that he will have the tools to make good choices.

And who really knows? Maybe the Creator saw fit to put this flame inside our son for a reason. His personality is so complex and amazing - even at 5! You'll just as likely find him playing fighting games as you will find him playing Daddy to his dolls. This is the same child who, at age 3.5 gave up his hard-won balloon to a friend who's balloon had flown away. He gave it to him because he understood, empathetically how his friend felt to not be able to show his classmates the balloon from his brothers' brit. And I'm not just saying that.

Digressing for a moment, I will relate that story:

When Netanel was in nursery in NJ, we went to the brit of friends who's son was in kindergarten, we'll call him David. David left his brother's brit with another friend of ours, we'll call her Shana (;-) who took David and her own son to school. A few minutes later, we left too. We were 5 minutes to school when Shana called to ask if we'd left yet because David's balloon had blown away as they were walking into school and he was devastated. I said we'd left, but I'll see what I could do.
I looked at my little Netanel in the rearview mirror, clutching the string of his balloon, and thought, "what have I got to lose? He doesn't have to give it up, but if he does we can make this kid really happy." I decided to tread lightly, I had no reason to force him to give up his balloon.
"Tani, David's balloon flew away and he's so sad, would you like to give him your balloon?"
Obvious answer, "No, it's mine"
"You know, Netanel, David was so excited to bring his balloon to his class and tell all his friends about his brother's brit! Isn't that so exciting?!"
"uh huh."
"He got out of Shana's car and he was so excited and we was going to bring his balloon in to show his Morah and all his friends! And then you know what happened?"
"What, Mommy?"
"His balloon flew away! How do you think he's feeling now?"
"Sad." I could hear the frown in his voice.
"Do you know what would make him so happy?"
"What, Mommy?"
"If someone could give David a new balloon, that would make him so happy! And he would be able to show everyone how proud he is to be a new big brother!" (Netanel's experience with that was also pretty recent)
"Mommy, David could have my balloon!" tears welled up in my eyes when I heard him say that.
"Really, Netanel, are you sure? Because that would be such a wonderful chesed (= kind act) and it would make him so happy!"
"Yes, Mommy. I can give David my balloon and he will be so happy."

Well, you know it paid off! He was the hero of the day! The look on David's face was absolutely priceless when Netanel walked into the room and handed him the balloon.The kindergarten teacher gave him a cookie, and his nursery teachers also made a big deal about it - and to boot, he actually got the balloon back at the end of the day!!! Talk about having your cake and eating it too!

But the point of the story is to illustrate Netanel's capacity for compassion and empathy.

Maybe he is intended to fight - but if that's the case, then we're going to do whatever we can to foster that compassion. So I got my chance to reinforce it.

On the way to gan this morning, Netanel picked up a stick - his sword - to fight the "bad guys".

Me: Netanel, who are the "bad guys'?

N: I don't know. Just bad guys. we need to fight them.

Me: why?

N: because they're bothering us.

Me: Like Odeliya bothered you this morning.

--Silence.
Me: Do remember what I told you this morning, when you kicked her back?

Netanel nods.

Me: Netanel, you want to be a leader in the army, right?

N: No! I want to be a fighter.

Me: The commanders are the best fighters, that's how they get to be leaders. When someone is hurting you, if you just try to hurt them back you're going to be fighting forever. What you need to do is find a way to make them stop hurting you. In the army, sometimes the only way to do that means that people get hurt, but not always.

And in your life, Netanel, it's never ok. With Odeliya, with kids in gan - because they're not bad guys! Right? (he nods. he's dragging his stick on the floor at the point.) Is you're sister a "bad guy"?

N: No.

Me: what about the kids in your gan?

N: no.

Me: so when they hurt you, or bother you, the answer is not to hurt them back, what's the answer?

N: To get them to stop hurting me.

Me: right. Netanel, if you can show us that you understand that, if you can find a way to resolve these fights without hurting anyone, then you can be the best fighter in the army.

I don't know how much he grasped, but it's a start.

Heard in the Backyard

2010-02-16T05:25:00.000-08:00

Netanel has a friend over and they were playing in the backyard. I keep hearing snippets of their conversation...
Here's one of them: (remember they're 5 - and this is translated from the Hebrew they were speaking)

Netanel: Right, he was old and that's why he had problems?
Friend: Yes, and when children grow up their parents die.
Netanel: Not true, my father is grown up and his parents are still alive.

15 Minute Oat Muffins

2010-01-31T11:12:00.000-08:00

By popular demand, here is my favorite muffin recipe - these muffins are so easy and bake so fast, and you can add anything you want to them (including things your kids won't eat!) The original version of this recipe came from my mother in law, but I modified it.

You can literally be eating your muffins in 15 minutes from now! I've even made these for breakfast - before coffee!

Ok, here it is:
15 Minute Oat Muffins

Ingredients:
1 Cup Rolled Oats (you can use the quick oats, but I prefer the old fashioned type - better flavor)
1 Cup flour (or oat bran, or whole wheat flour or wheat germ)
1 Tbs baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp vanilla extract (or any other extract)
1/2 Cup apple juice or soy milk (today I used white grape juice, you can also use water if you don't have anything else)
1/4 Cup oil
2 eggs
1/3 Cup sugar or honey
Extras: raisins, blueberries, chopped apple, mashed banana, flax seeds, nuts, chocolate chips, pomegranate seeds, etc... (and that's just what I've tried it with! Try combining groups of extras - it's like trail mix in a muffin!)

Preheat the oven to 425 F
Mix all ingredients together
Fill 2 standard sized muffin tins, filling each cup about 3/4 full
Bake for 12-15 min

בתאבון! Enjoy!

Oh Joyful Rapture! Gloriously Delicious Soup!

2010-01-27T11:13:00.000-08:00

You mean not everyone gets this excited about soup?? But it's SOUP. Soooup. In the winter... hot, cozy, creamy or chunky, spicy, comforting soup.

And I do believe, in my humble opinion, that I've mastered the art of zuccinni soup. I challenge any of you to make this soup and tell me it's not the best zucchini soup you've ever eaten!

Ok, here it is:

Ayelet's Mother of all Zucchini Soup

Ingredients:
1 Tbs oil or butter
1 large yellow onion, diced
1/2 tsp chopped fresh red chili pepper
(or 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper)
2 medium potatoes, diced
1 carrot, shredded
7-8 zucchini, cut into chunks
salt
pepper
garlic powder
1/2 tsp fresh lemon juice or 1/4 tsp lemon salt

Directions:
In a large pot, sautee onions in oil just until translucent, add the chili pepper and stir. (Do this even if you are using cayenne!)
Add the potatoes and carrots, continue to cook over med heat for about 3-5 minutes.
Add the zucchini and pour in enough water just to cover.

Cover pot and bring to a boil. Then lower to a simmer and stir occasionally for 45 min - 1 hour.
Add salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste, and the lemon.
(Trust me, you won't taste the lemon. It just adds the right amount of acidity to bring out all the taste!)
If you have an immersion blender, use it now! If not just let the soup continue to simmer until everything is mushy and smooth.

Serve, and Enjoy!!!

My kids finished their bowls - this is big news!
I've currently had about 4 bowls and even Tzachi couldn't get enough of it! He loved it!

Birth and healing (a journal entry)

2010-01-25T01:23:00.000-08:00

I've been avoiding my birth boards, and birth, and myself for more than six months. If healing has happened for me, it has been passive - like the way your body heals from a cold if you ignore it long enough,and then one morning two weeks later you realize you slept all night and you're not congested at all.

In the past two weeks Birth has hunted me down, forced me to remember her and remember how much I once loved her. And also how vicious she can be. How subvertivly she injects her precepts into every other chapter of your life. She found me, I cowered and she insisted that I watch. That I be present and informed and that I bear witness to her beauty and her ugliness, her silence and her fury, her undying strength and her paralyzing fear.

I watched, I advised, I conferred, and I wept.

And now I know that there is an active part that I must play in my healing - and I must take this step. Today it was shown to me that I am at the hub of a network of people that need to be connected and that the butterfly effect that I pray will ensue can affect real, tangible change for women giving birth here in Israel.

I'm putting this here in the hope that getting these thoughts out will be a step towards making them a reality. I know I'm being ambiguous, but that's because it's still ambiguous to me. And it feels too big to put into words. But this purpose has filled me the way water fills every crevice of space in its container, the way it will even defy gravity to fill in each crack. As I find the words, I will share them. But for now I feel I have taken a necessary step just by writing this down.

Some recent pictures...

2010-01-24T07:17:00.000-08:00

Cuz I've been remiss:

That's me hiking at night at the Jordan river with six adorable seminary girls!

Yitzchak in all his fleecy yumminess!

My little Diva - she chose her own clothes!!

Mommy's pride!

Notice the snail that they are observing, this is why it takes us an hour and a half to get to gan!

Odeliya and Yitzchak having a tea party in their "club house" (i.e. large cardboard box that Yoram snagged from work)

Hope you enjoy my kids as much as I do!

The Olives that Irked Me

2010-01-21T02:02:00.000-08:00

On the way to Odeliya's day care there is this one house that has a small grove of olive tree that hang over onto the path. As the olive harvest began back in Sept, the kids started to notice the olives ripening on the trees and I pointed out that soon the owners would harvest their olives and they can pickle them or press them into oil. (The local olive oil factory will actually press your olives for you!) But as the olives continued to ripen, and we started noticing more and more olives on the ground, I started to get annoyed.

It is a fact that this year's olive harvest was particularly slim - olive oil prices here have gone up because of it, and here's a family with enough olives for maybe 2-3 liters of oil and they're letting it rot! They are going to go to the supermarket and buy bottles of olive oil and cans of pickles olives, instead of harvesting their bounty! And now there's fewer bottles on the shelf for people like me that don't have the privilege of having olive trees!

We talk about depletion and lack - there is no lack in the Universe! Hashem's bounty is abundant! But we are lacking in our self-preservation, because we think that the things we use come from the store. We forget where the things we need really originate - and that's in the Earth.

I remember one Sunday back in the US (when Sundays were a day off!) when Yoram was putting up shelves and needed more wood. So Netanel, then barely 3 years old, said, "So we need to go to Home Depot to get more!" I asked him, "Netanel, where does the wood come from?" and he answered, "Home Depot." At which point we educated him on lumber and the process of turning trees into shelves. We watched videos online and looked at books, and now he knows that wood comes from trees.

I think we all need to take a step back and remember where the things we buy come from and the work that goes into putting it there. Before I buy something from the store, I ask myself if this is something that I could conceivably make on my own. And if the answer is yes, then I do.And I'll leave that product on the shelf for someone who can't conceivably make it on their own.

The "Mother's Curse" Has Befallen Me

2010-01-20T12:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, Ma, admit it! Once upon a time, when I was a little, curly headed toddler, being my adorable, opinionated, stubborn self - you wished this upon me! You said, "I hope one day you have a daughter just like you, and then you'll know what it's like!" Well, I hope you're happy now, Mommy, because I now know what it must have been like - and I'm sorry!

One day last week, as the morning began to wane, and my little, curly-headed toddler was still not dressed, I decided to try a new tactic. I grabbed a crayon and a piece of blue paper and started drawing.
Me: Look, I'm drawing a picture of Odeliya! Here are her pretty curls, her big brown eyes, (My model expresses interest.) And here's your beautiful smiling mouth, (big grin from the model!) But, uh oh! where's her shirt? I can't draw your shirt because you're still in your pj's!
Odeliya immidiately starts to pull off her top, and I'm feeling kind of smug... and then - she whips around, grabs the crayon from my hand and says, "I will draw it!"

So much for creative parenting! Grrr!!!

Vaccines: Irradicating illnesses or causing complications?!?!

2010-01-03T01:39:00.000-08:00

Don't get too excited now, I'm not writing this because I have the answer. I'm currently struggling with this question, and if I am, well darn it, you might as well join in too!
One more disclaimer here: this is my blog. I can write whatever I want on it and if anyone reading it experiences a feeling of being offended by anything I write, then you should be aware that it is your own sensitivity to the subject that is causing you to feel offended. My personal thoughts and points of view are just that - personal. If you agree - awesome! If you don't - equally awesome! We're not here to be clones of one another, we're here to engage in dialogue and learn from everyone.

I know vaccines are a sensitive issue, and I'm hoping that you will comment and share your thoughts and findings with me.

Let's start with what I know.

I know that the Creator gave us perfectly functioning bodies with an intricate system to process and eliminate toxins from the body. (In other words, our bodies are fully equipped to get rid of the crap we put into it - literally!) But I also know that in today's world, the amount of toxic materials we are exposed to is enormous! I believe that it's more than we were created to handle. And there's a limit to what we can protect ourselves from. (I feel another post coming on about that!)

I know I'm not vaccinating my kids for flu or chicken pox. In families that are generally healthy, those vaccines are very useful to parents who are unable to stay home and care for a sick kid. We are a generally healthy family who focus on immune building diets and practices, and if my kid gets the flu, I am grateful to be able to stay home and tend to them until they recover. And although I'm all about irradicating illnesses, the chicken-pox vaccine doesn't provide better immunity against infection than actually having and fighting chicken-pox. So for our family, if my kids don't get chicken-pox on their own by the time they're 11, then I'll start the vaccine, b/c that's when the benefits begin to outweigh the risks.

Now let's talk about the risks of vaccines in general:

The concept is brilliant. Use the body's own excellent mechanism of immunity to build antibodies for illnesses without actually being sick. It's the delivery method that's the problem.

Those of us who are "label-readers" are probably careful not to buy products that have lots of preservatives - or any for that matter. It's one of those things we can do to reduce the tax on our kidneys and liver. So think about this. We're careful not to eat preservatives - the stuff we ingest goes through a lot of processing before it reaches our blood. And yet we don't think twice before injecting a syringe-full of preservatives directly into our blood stream! (or muscle which is also more directly absorbed into the blood than food) - actually, not even our own, our tiny children's blood!

Even if the pharmaceutical companies in the US don't use mercury anymore, they are using some other preservative to keep those little germies safe till they get into baby's body! I know my language is a little alarmist right now. I admit it. So let me restate that in a more factual, non-emotional way: The vaccine is includes various chemicals in order to effectively administer to the body. The chemicals that are most often used are thimerasol (which is mercury, is not used in the US anymore, but if you're not in the US then ask!!) , formaldahyde, aluminum, ammonium sulfate (yes, as in ammonia that's found in urine and cleaning products), 2-phenoxythenol (a preservative with known toxicity levels - this is present in almost every vaccine your child will receive!), and more. I found a list of ingredients from the CDC website, and then went and looked up the specific ingredients. Here are the links for your enjoyment:
Center for Disease Control
List of Vaccine Ingredients
some sources for what the ingredients actually are:
www.3dchem.com
http://science.jrank.org/
http://www.sciencelab.com/xMSDS-2_Phenoxyethanol-9926486
http://environmentalchemistry.com/
http://sci-toys.com/ingredients/ingredients.html

Just like everything in life - and especially in health care - we have to weigh the benefits against the risks.

So then we get into looking at each individual vaccine and asking, "is it worth injecting all this poison into my child's body?"

Well, unvaccinated kids put the vaccinated public at risk. Did you know that?
It's true. Our vaccinated immunity sort of assumes that we're not actually coming into contact with the real thing, and when unvaccinated people are actually exposed to a disease, they can cause complications for other people. Freaky.
There was recently a mumps outbreak in Jerusalem. It seems it was brought over from the US, from a Jewish sect that feels that vaccination is against the Torah. The majority of infected people were actually vaccinated for mumps which is cause to question the effectiveness of the mumps vaccine. Although it's only given together w/ the measles and rubella vaccine (MMR) and the evidence shows that the immunity for those two are pretty high. Original article.

So I'm still not sold on vaccinating. I don't want my kids to get sick, I don't want them to be the cause of other people getting sick, but I also don't like the idea of bombarding their tiny little systems with known toxins.

following last post... Shoulder dystocia resources

2009-12-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

I though it might be useful to have some links for anyone who is interested, but I'm mainly compiling this so I can send my friend (whom I mentioned) to one place to find the information that she needs. I've included some background about who's writing the information for each site, because one should be aware of where one's information comes from.

Power point presentation on Shoulder Dystocia This is just the facts, targetted to the medical community.
Article on the Gaskin Maneuver A study done to test the effectiveness of getting the laboring woman onto all fours to relieve shoulder dystocia. Note the paragraph that talks about the negative data of the study (or rather, lack thereof)
Response to Shoulder Dystocia question on Henci Goer's forum There are links to a couple of other good resources in there too. Like What Every Pregnant Woman Needs to Know About Cesarean Section I mentioned Ms.Goer in my previous post. Her main site is http://hencigoer.com
Homebirth Reference Page (UK) This site is written as a public service to provide information to women about childbirth. She's not a medical professional.
Shoulder Dystocia Information Page This page is compiled by an ob/gyn in the US. It has detailed definitions, but I noticed that a lot of the language seemed to be geared towards families that want to sue and why the doctors are not at fault. I also noticed that he completely disregards the Gaskin Maneuver based on the assumption that it cannot be performed on a woman with an epidural. But in Ina May's study she discusses incidents where birth attendants assisted women who had an epidural to successfully birth on hands and knees. And when I found his contact page I found that he has a consulting business for shoulder dystocia litigation, so I guess I was right about the purpose of this site.

Informed choices assumes you're actually informed...

2009-12-23T04:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, first off, I'm not avoiding blogging about our car accident last Thursday. The basic account is on Yoram's blog, and I'm still processing and not fully sure how to express the experience, or even if I want to.

In the meantime, life - thank God - goes on.

So I have a question for you:

Scenario: you walk into a store to purchase a safety product for your home and in one aisle you are approached by a rep from one of the brands. The rep tells you why his brand is the best brand to buy. He shows you articles that conclude that its much safer than the other products for x, y, and z reasons, and that purchasing any other product will result in almost certain death (you know they do, even if they don't use those words). There is a rep from a competing brand in the next aisle and she has an equally impressive presentation.
What do you do?
Do you buy the product based on the rep's information?
Do you buy the one that's most expensive (this is safety we're talking about, expense must equal quality)?
Or do you do as much independent research as you can to ensure that you are buying the product that is going to best serve you and your family?
Would you be wary of information from someone with a vested interest in his or her product?

Why don't we treat our Prenatal and birthing choices this way? Why are we willing to be scared @$#%less by a doctor or midwife that has a vested interest in our choosing to submit to their course of action? I'm not saying it's always the wrong choice, I'm just saying that we always need to consider the beliefs of the speaker.
And we need to make choices because we KNOW, not because we're scared of the alternative.

I have been called upon by a very dear friend to re-enter the world of informed choices in childbirth. I know I'm still passionate about the issues. The pain and frustration I feel when I hear pregnant women tell birthing horror stories that could have been avoided, or handled better, if they had just been given all the facts. If they had just been treated as partners in the birthing process rather than patients who need to be saved from a catastrophic event, if birth professionals could infuse women with trust in birth and belief in their own strength and ability to birth - then we'd be hearing a lot fewer horror stories.

My friend has been told that since her previous birth was complicated by shoulder dystocia, she is at increased risk of that happening again, this is not proven. She was led to believe by her doctor that the fault of this complication lies with the mother's build. That's possible in cases of true gestational diabetes, or misshapen pelvis, but not in normal healthy women. Allowing a woman to mistakenly believe that shoulder dystocia is something that "just happens" to some women doesn't infuse women with trust and understanding of the birth process, it does the exact opposite - which, IMHO, will lead to more complications than any other risk factor. He presented her with all sorts of dire possibilities, but did not mention the possibility that the problem is often bad positioning of the mother and that repositioning the mother can and does relieve the dystocia!

Her doctor's rough estimate of her baby's size at her current 38 weeks is around 3000 grams. He told her that he wants her to be induced next week. Can we all remember, for a moment, the > 1000 gram margin of error in birth weight estimates after the first trimester???

I just have to share my findings, because the more visible this information becomes the more likely we are to demand a change in protocols.

So first of all, a brief explanation of shoulder dystocia: It's defined as a case in which a baby's head is born and the shoulders take more than 60 seconds to follow. Let me clarify further: Shoulder dystocia is not something your baby "has" it is something that happens to a baby during birth. Baby's who experience dystocia in birth are often over 4kg (~8.5 lbs) but not always, and not all babies over 4kg get stuck. The risk to the baby of this complication is that (s)he can suffer an injury to the brachial plexus nerve that threads under the clavicle. Damage to the brachial plexus can, lead to permanent nerve damage to the child's arm. Namely Erb's Palsy or Klumpke's Palsy.

All the maneuvers that have been practiced to facilitate birth and attempt to prevent injury assume that the laboring woman is lying flat on her back with her feet up in the air.

Here is a brief account of a study of the Gaskin Maneuver which was brought to the US by Ina May Gaskin. This article is easy to read and very clear.

In the study of 82 cases out of 4452 birth, shoulder dystocia occured and was relieved by the completely non-invasive method of having the laboring women turn onto all fours to deliver the baby. Some of the cases involved women who were under epidural anesthesia and were none-the-less assisted into the all-fours position by birth attendants.

Another well researched article is this one from a UK Homebirth advocate. One thing that she noted, which I feel is important to highlight is that injuries that have been linked to shoulder dystocia are not caused by birth, but by the act of extracting the baby from the mother. (those are commonly known as "iatrogenic injuries" but that term is not being applied to shoulder dystocia. It's called a "birth complication". Maybe that's because a lot of "birth complications" are actually iatrogenic. But don't get me started.)

At the moment, these seem to be my friend's choices:
a) induction at 39 weeks for same reason as above (consider risks of induction)
b) elective abdominal surgery (i.e. c/section) for suspicion of high birth weight (consider risks of surgery)
c) go into labor when baby is ready if you fall into the 2% chance that a problem presents itself, get onto your hands and knees. No injuries, no additional recovery time, in most of the studied cases the babies were delivered over an intact perineum!!
I just want her to trust her body and her baby and her strong beautiful body that God gave her.
Many doctors and birth professionals (yes, even midwives - such as the midwife who was present for Yitzchak's birth) try to attribute terms and rules to pregnancy and birth. Like trying to make a corolation between previous pregnancies and the current one for no other reason than "it happened before." Even though it is the doctors and midwives who should know best that one woman's birth cannot be compared to another's, and that even one woman's previous births cannot predict any future births. Complications happen when those doctors and midwives attempt to manage a birth based on facts of previous births. Like suggesting an induction or a cesarean based on a previous case of shoulder dystocia. Induction carries it's own risks to baby and mother. And in fact, in the cases of injuries following shoulder dystocia, one of the factors was pitocim use in labor! (causing stronger, more feequent contractions than mom or baby were created to handle, also by limiting the mother's movements due to the pitocin drip, etc...) It's the classic interventions chain that is so clearly illustrated in Henci Goer's book "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth."

This has been a long post, and I've let a lot of my reactions to the information seep in. So allow me a little ipso facto disclaimer: I am not against medical interventions in childbirth or in any other area of medical care. I believe that the technological advancements in medicine and in childbirth have saved many complicated births that would have ended in tragedy a century ago. I am critical of the medical field of pregnacy and childbirth which dictates protocols based on fear not on evidence. I am wary of following the advice of anyone who directly benefits from that advice - which doesn't mean I won't take it. It means I will research it first. And I am critical of a generation of women who are willing to allow things to be done to their bodies and their babies that have not been completely explained to them, and without getting all the information first.

In every are of life, whether it's birth, parenting, business, relationships, or religion - if you make a decision out of fear, you are making the wrong decision - every single time. I've seen it in my own life, learned it from my mentors in every area of study and seen it in practice in the lives of those I love.

Make your choices from a place of knowledge and of trust, and if you don't have access to the knowledge that you need then find someone who does. Pursue it at all costs, and live you life in joy, in complete faith, and not in fear.

"כל העולם כלו גשר צר מעוד והעיקר לא לפחד כלל" "The world is but a narrow bridge, and the main thing is not to fear at all"

New Revelations On Winnie-the-Pooh

2009-12-14T10:31:00.000-08:00

I love having a blog! It's this wonderful place where I can put all my random thoughts and revelations and serendipitous moments where they don't need to be at all cohesive or have anything at all to do with each other. :-)

I've always been somewhat bothered by the fact that all the characters in the Winnie-the-Pooh stories are male, except Kanga - the sweet, doting, overprotective in her words but not in her actions... (I am speaking not from the Disney interpretation of the stories, but the original A.A. Milne books.) Well, this morning I had a thought about that. Mr. Milne wrote these books for his son, Christopher Robin. He wrote them as a memorial to him, and to express the world in a way that would appeal to a little boy. Well then it makes perfect sense. As I thought about how my children engender their stuffed animals and dolls.

It's important to note that both Yoram and I are very aware of not masculinating or feminizing our children. Netanel's baby doll, which is a Cabbage Patch doll that my IL's bought him and wheres a pink and purple sleeper, is a boy baby named (affectionately) Uncle Hillel. Uncle Hillel (the doll, not my brother) has super powers to fight bad guys.
Odeliya will pick up just about anything small (seeds, sticks, dolls, bouncy balls, toy cars, etc...) and wrap it in the nearest blanket, napkin, tissue... and cradle it and call it her baby.

So in my limited experience, I would think that A.A. Milne, writing for Christopher Robin would imagine all his toys to be male. And in his make-believe world there would only be one female. The loving, doting, kangaroo momma, a depiction of his own wife, and CR's mother - embodied in Kanga.

That's my totally random thought for the day!

Giving Thanks

2009-12-13T01:53:00.000-08:00

I would like to publicly give thanks to the One for constantly providing exactly what we need, and for constantly renewing my faith in my decision to follow the path that has been set for me and my family!

This morning Yoram called to tell me that the winery announced officially that the seasonal workers are going to be hired as full time employees as of January 1st! Thank you, Hashem, for providing for us on every step of this journey!

note: Hashem literally means "the name." It is the way most Orthodox Jews refer to God. I'm in search of a more personally fulfilling way to refer to Hashem, but I have yet to find one that I connect to. Just thought I'd share in case anyone was wondering.

Yeast Update

2009-12-09T03:10:00.000-08:00

I had to let it go. :-(
I'm going to try again and start on a Sunday and set a timer to remind myself to feed it and all that, but I started midweek, had to abandon it on Shabbat, thought I could probably revive it at some point on Monday, but then forgot about it and when I remembered it, oh boy, I did not want to go there!

Back to buying from the store for now, oh well.

A Lesson in Spiriruality from a 2 year old

2009-12-07T01:24:00.000-08:00

Yoram starts work too early to go to prayer services at the synagogue so he's been saying שחרית, the morning service at home. As much as I support him going to מנין (group sevices) there is definitely power in numbers, but I'm not complaining b/c it means he's here at 6am when Odeliya wakes up and I can stay in bed a little longer!

There's a section of the prayers during which talking and interruption should really be avoided.So Yoram has a little huddle with Odeliya before he starts that section where he tells her, "Odeliya, right now I'm going to be talking only to Hashem. It's very important and I wont be able to answer you, so if you need something you need to go up to Mommy, ok?" She nods and continues playing/eating breakfast/etc,... So the other day,Yoram finished praying and thanked Odel;iya for behaving so nicely and being so patient.

Odeliya's response: "ok, and what Hashem say?"

I Can Make Soymilk!

2009-11-29T13:08:00.000-08:00

And so can you! As I write this I am enjoying a cup of fresh, sweet, vanilla chai tea! Mmmmm..... heaven!
I know that you are thinking, "How can she not know about all the information about the problems with too much soy and the estrogen content and all that stuff?" Well, here's the real deal. If you eat mostly whole foods, and any soy products you do eat come from actual soybeans that you purchase or grow on your own, then you don't have to worry about all that stuff. The problem is what they're doing to the soy, not the soy itself.

If you're eating mostly processed foods (i.e. anything with an ingredient list of more than 2) Then you are most likely exposing yourself to processed soy parts. Soy protein isolate, soy powder, soy lecithin, hydrogenated soybean oil, etc... Our bodies don't know what to do with that junk! So we hit maximum soy toxicity levels and have all sorts of unwanted problems like allergic reactions and estrogen imbalance.

Soy, as a whole food, is just like eating kidney beans, for example, or lentils. And the health benefits and nutritional benefits are wonderful.

Er, ahem. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming: "Learning Your 7 Times Tables With Hands On Examples" - I mean, uh, "How to Make Your Own Homemade Soymilk" (I've been awake for waaaaay too many hours this week!)

I watched this video:

Practical "tachliss" recipe:
2 Cups dry soybeans, soaked overnight in 4 cups of water
~ 7-8 cups water
sweetener/flavorings to taste.

equipment:
blender
cheesecloth (or a nylon knee-high like I use! Doesn't everyone have pantyhose as kitchen utensils?!?)
a large pot
an extra bowl

yields (i before e, except after c. Yes, I did just say that.) about a liter and a half of soymilk.

I have one thing to add. Before you put the pot on the fire, rub some vegetable oil on the inside of the rim, it will prevent it from boiling over.
Also, I highly recommend blending the beans for at least 2 minutes, as he says, otherwise your milk will be very watery.
And another thing: Don't throw out that soy meal! You can use it to make bread, or muffins, or soy burgers! Or just add it to your next smoothie for an extra kick of protein! (and this is one of those i/e exceptions that remind me how much I love my spellcheck!)

If you try it, please do let me know how it came out for you! I am thouroughly enjoying my tea!

The Tale of Odeliya and Horses

2009-11-26T11:20:00.000-08:00

I have been watiing to post this until the video was up, so now I can finally post this story!

A few weeks ago my friend invited me to walk with her to this beautiful stream/wadi right outside Katzerin. So close, in fact, that we walked there: My pregnant friend, me wearing Yitzchak, and Odeliya in the stroller!

So anyway, we go. On our way we see two beautiful horses, we later met their owner, Odeliya went right up to them. Mind you this was her first time actually being near a horse that wasn't in a zoo. I was extremely disappointed about not bringing my camera! Once we got to the stream and got settled I found my Flip video camera in my bag! So we got footage of us playing at the stream and we also got some of the horses on the way back. Fortunately or unfortunately... you'll have to decide!

Yes, it is 10 minutes long, but they are absolutely beautiful horses, and it gets pretty intense when they started bullying us for more food. (Also, try to catch what it says on the sign at the entrance in the last bit of the video... it's pretty indicitive of life up here!)

I'm growing a new addition...

2009-11-25T08:44:00.000-08:00

...to my baking repertoire! I'm raising a wild yeast starter!
Basically, that means I'm making my own yeast for baking. I'm using the instructions from wildyeastblog and I'll keep you posted as to how it turns out!

Today is day 2, and I noticed one big bubble!!! I now need to discard about 2/3's of the mix and replace it with new flour and water...

What's On My Search Engine

2009-11-24T04:00:00.000-08:00

I think you can tell a lot about a person by what's in their search bar. ;-)

This is what I looked up yesterday:
Soybean Recipes (I have a 1/2 kilo bag of dry soybeans in my freezer)
Although now I have a cup of it soaking over night as per this site's directions for making tofu.
I'm also going to try dry-roasting them, which is also on that site.

I have also been feeling the "sweet" deprivation. I love apples and oranges, but they're nothing compared to the candy of summer fruit. I miss the plums and peaches and nectarines...mmmmm... fall and winter fruit are muted and deeper. Well, it's lead me to search for some winter confections and as my lemon tree is in full bloom, I started with a search for lemon recipes.
Here are the faves that I'll be trying:
Lemon Curd
Lemon Muffins
Lemon Sponge Pudding
Lemon Cookies

And I made this incredible coffee cake for Shabbat, but it used a heckuvalotta margarine and I'm going to play around with it, and add the lemon curd... I'll definitely the recipe with pictures when I get it right.

Last week I was looking up how to make my own essential oils and herbal teas. I picked some eucalyptus leaves off the trees near my house and wanted to do something with them to help the congestion that's been plaguing the kids.
This was the site I found that seemed the most comprehensive: Gardens Ablaze. Some really awesome stuff on there.

The Genius of Tani

2009-11-23T08:54:00.000-08:00

I know, I'm biased, but I'm open to comments... remember he's only 5.

So first, a joke. You've probably heard this one before. I was listening quietly as Yoram told it to Tani.
I'll be making you scroll down a bit, sorry, but I want you to have the full effect.

Ok, so how do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator?
..
..
..
..
..
..
Open the door, put in the giraffe and close the door.
..
How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator?
..
..
..
..
Open the door, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
(Tani laughs)
..
..
The Lion, King of the Animals, calls a big meeting, all the animals come except one. Who didn't come?
(without missing a beat, Netanel answers:)
The elephant.
"why?" askes my astonished husband.
"Because he was in the refrigerator!"

Yoram and I looked at each other somewhat bemused.
Half an hour later, I'm making omlettes for dinner in the kitchen and the baby is in his bouncy seat while Yoram bring Odeliya up to bed (having fallen asleep on his shoulder, did I mention she hasn't been napping since she started daycare?)

Netanel, in the meantime, is entertaining Yitzchak, and suddenly we hear, "Kooshkoosh, how do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator?" The hysterical part is when he takes the toy elephents off the bouncy seat and puts them in the fridge! Amidst shouts and gurgles of glee from the baby!
(Yoram grabbed thhe flip, so I'll add the video of it as soon as its up.)

When in doubt... Cook!

2009-11-19T04:17:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling neglectul of my blog (and so too my adoring fans :P!) So I decided to post a healthy, easy recipe that I started making for my family.

It uses some of my favorite vegetales: eggplant and tomatoes - neither of which are actually vegetables! Eggplant is a berry and tomato plants are herbaceous, while the tomato itself acually classifies as a fruit. Theres a tidbit for you trivia buffs!

So, anyway, I call it Don't Tell The Kids Its Not Eggplant Parmesian! A long name, I concur, but thats how it was inspired, so there it is.

Ingredients:
Two medium eggplants
5 tomatoes (I prefer campari, but any variety will do)
1 large onion
3-5 cloves garlic
1 egg
Oilive Oil
about 1 lb (1/2 kilo) shredded cheese (your choice: parmesan, cheddar, mozarela, a mix, or whatever melts well and gets your tastebuds all a-flutter!)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees (~190 Celcius)
Dice onion, eggplant and tomato
Sautee in olive oil with the garlic until you have a nice soft mush
add the egg and cheese and stir quickly, so you don't get pieces of cooked egg!
pour into a casserol dish or 9X13 pan and bake uncovered for 40 min.

I sprinkle some ground flax seeds on the top before baking.

!בתאבון
Enjoy!

Miss O in Daycare!

2009-11-17T23:42:00.000-08:00

On Sunday my two-and-a-half year old, with her crown of bobbing curls, decided to upset the schedule.
It was a normal day and we'd had a lovely morning when Miss O started looking tired, as she normally does around 11am. Its great, she asks for her מוצץ (pacifier), I carry her to bed, read a short book, kiss on the forehead, "I love you, sweetie." "I wuv you too, Mommy." walk out the door.
Still according to schedule.
I si down on the couch to nurse Kooshkoosh, w/ my cup of tea, and begin to enjoy my hour and a half of quiet time, Mommy-and-baby-time. Thats when the trouble starts...

I hear noises from upstairs. Ok, maybe she's looking at a book, she'll be asleep in a few minutes...
I hear the distintive rustling sound of a tiny creature decending from her bed...
She goes into the bathroom, phew! Great, she's gonne pee - and even if she needs me to come up and help her, she'll go right into bed afterwards and I'll get to breathe.
She calls me upstairs.
Upon finishing up, she informs me in no uncertain terms:
"No, I not tired. I awake! I wanna come downstairs and get chocolate and watch a weevee (movie)"

Deep breath. We go downstairs. We color, we play, she's not getting tired. We even watch the goggie weevee (Lady and The Tramp "doggie movie") and no sign of sleepiness. Now it's only a couple of hours before Tani comes home and I realize that I am looking at being "on" in Mommy-mode all day. And my nerves begin to quiver... I send Yoram a text message:
"O is going to daycare starting tomorrow. She decided not to take a nap"
The response: "Ok"

So this is day 3 of Odeliya in daycare. Day 1 was really tough for me. I missed her, and wondered if she was enjoying herself (even though I know she was having a blast!)

Its a small group in the woman's home. Three kids Odeliya's age (including her adorable little boyfriend, Maor - who I'll blog more about in a different post!) and two little babies. Nona, the teacher is fantastic, loving, creative... I pick her up at 12:45, and she's been fed a full lunch. She's jumping up and down with glee and she can't wait to go back in the morning. The first day she napped at 3:30 which was a disaster. Yesterday she didn't nap at all, she just went to sleep early - and it was wonderful!

I have more energy, some time to play alone with my little guy, and time to actually get things done around the house! When people ask where she is and I tell them, their words of encouragement and support make me wonder what a mess I must have been up until now!

The Moments Moms Don't Talk Abouut

2009-11-12T05:02:00.000-08:00

Last week I took a dive of the edge of the mothering cliff. There's only so much diapers, and dirty floors, and dishes, and potty misses, and hunger, and rushing to school, and nursing and diapers... that a woman can take! At some point I walked into my kids room at night and looked at their peaceful, sweet faces and wondered, "who's children are these?" They didn't look capable of infllicting the kind of torture, disrespect and messiness that they have been dolling out these past few days. And I walked out of their room feeling guilty and ashamed as my mind brought forth a flood of images of them being sweet, nurturing, thoughtful, clever, funny, helpful...

I know I love them, and I would do anything for them - in fact I am doing just that, and that's the problem. Yesterday, after talking to my mom, I called a babysitter and for the first time in almost a year, Yoram and I went on a date. We walked out of the city along the main road to the industrial park.After wanderinng around a bit, including finding a spot dark enough to see the infinite expanse of stars, we found our way to the Golan Heights Brewery and tried some excellent freshly brewed beers.

When we got home only Miss O was awake, but she fell asleep as soon as I lied down w/ her.

I feel a lot better now, especially after committing to go out twice a month. And I also know that sometimes even Mommies need a break.

My dirty little secret...

2009-11-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

Am I a horrible mother? I mean, it's so sad when they're not feeling well and they're out of sorts, but a teeny tiny little part of me kind of likes snuggling under the covers w/ tea and toast and watching movies all day!

And while we're on the topic, I am infinitely impressed that they drank the tea I made for them today! just brewed fresh mint leaves w/ lemon, honey and ginger. They both loved it! hehehe, I'm such a sneaky mommy, giving them yummy things that will also help them get better... hehehe ;-)

Tomorrow NBN Go North people are coming to take community profilee pictures of Katserin! So cool!

A possible next step

2009-11-03T00:22:00.000-08:00

I started going to a parenting class with some of the other moms, the teacher is fantastic! We're going to be talking about setting borders from love and how to awaken our child's own ability to handle stressful situations... - but that's not the point of the story.

The point is that after it was over, we were chatting. One mom, who is ver pregnant and due to give birth very soon was talking about her discomforts, and also the stress she's feeling b/c she wants to give birth in a hospital in Netanya which is an hour away. So a second friend who was sitting between me and the speaker turned to me and asked, "don't you have anything to help her, a remedy of some sort?"

First I balked, but then I realized that I do have something that would put her at ease and help her feel more comfortable! (that's still not the point)

The point is, that I am becoming known as someone who is versed in natural remedies, I think I'd like to look into studying naturapathy or homeopathy... but I'd love to start with a good book oin the topic.
Any recommendations?

Maybe it's not the flu...

2009-11-02T00:21:00.000-08:00

All the kids in his class had it, each one was out for a week, and then passed it on to the rest of their families... and just when I was beginning to feel neglected that nasty stinky virus found it's way into Netanel's little cells.
His immune system seems to be making a valiant battle, and I'm particular about not giving a fever reducer unless the temperature is higher than 100.4, b/c the fever is a symptom of your immune system fighting the illness, not the other way around. In fact, I had to have Yoram pick up some children's ibuprofen b/c we had none in the house.

Well, he's feeling a lot better this morning, but we're still bunking up in bed w/ blankets (which I freshly washed) and fresh peppermint tea w/ lemon, and chicken soup. And Disney movies. And in this wonderful, blessed downpour, I don't feel like I'm missing anything outside!

But I am out of honey, so I will have to venture out at some point... maybe tomorrow everyone will be better... :-)

Postcard from Home

2009-10-30T01:38:00.000-07:00

I'd like to try to make this a Friday tradition, a little postcard, all's-well, wish-you-were-here, kind of post.

So here's my first:

Dear family and friends,

It has been raining here since yesterday afternoon! One of the reasons we chose the Golan Heights over other areas of Israel is because so much of the country's produce is grown here, so many of the residents are farmers, here the connection to the land, to the rain, and to God is palpable.
I called my cellphone company today to pay my bill. We took care of all that stuff, and then I called Odeliya insiide from puddle jumping. So I asked the rep where she was, she said Tiberius.
"Ah, so you're also in the rain!" (It happens to not be raining in Jerusalem right now!)
"Yes, Baruch Hashem." she answers. " 'שתמשיכו ומלאו את הכנרת בעזרת ה" ("May it continue and fill the Sea of Galilee, with God's help") - the cellphone representative!

Love to all! Wish you were here, in the rain!

With love, from the Land of Milk and Honey,
~Ayelet

Miss O is Potty Training!

2009-10-29T07:08:00.000-07:00

My little cutie struts her stuff!
I cant help wondering if she'll hate me for this some day...

Why I'm Not a Hippie

2009-10-29T03:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my friend Sarah was over and my mom called.
Me: Hey, Ma, you know what I did? On Sunday we ran out of milk and I've been trying to cut out dairy, you know, to help Netanel's behavior. So I had about a kilo and a half of almonds, and I made almond milk! How cool is that? and now I have the almond meal left over to make cookies. And his gannenet (=pre-school teacher) told me that he's been exceptional this week - so I think its really working!
Mom: Great, Ayelet. wow, ok.
(from the next room, Sarah: You're such a Hippie!)
Me, laughing: Mommy, my friend thinks I'm a Hippie cuz I make my own almond milk.
Mom: So what else is new?

Well, I've never been a conformist (<-- see any non-hippiness yet?) so I decided to go about proving why I can't be stereotyped.
To those of you who know me well, I know you're laughing!
Here's what I came up with:

I don't co-sleep (from the hours of 5:30-6am when Yoram takes Yitzchak out of my bed)
I don't wear my baby (when I'm holding him) and niether does Yoram.
I do not nurse in public (if my kid isnt hungry)
I haven't breastfed past 2 years old (b/c I caught listeria when Miss O was 22 months old and I was already 13 weeks pregnant and so dehydrated that I couldn't get out of bed for 2 weeks.)
I use disposable diapers (when all the cloth is in the wash)
I trust the doctors and obstetricians (to care for sick people or high risk pregnancies, which is why I choose to have my normal, healthy babies at home)
I haven't read Spiritual Midwifery (since last year because we haven't bought bookshelves yet, so our books are still in boxes)
I vaccinate my children (for a few things on my own schedule)
We take medicine when we're sick (well, my kids think it's medicine. It's really raw honey, lemon juice and apple cider vinegar...)
I use birth control (well, I wont take hormones, but I've been charting using the Fertility Awareness Method for 6 years.)
I don't live in an eco-friendly house (b/c we're renting)
I don't wear Birkenstocks (I wear Naot - to weddings)
I don't wear long, flowy clothing (to bed)
I trust the labels on all the products in the supermarket (that's why I mostly buy raw ingredients and make most of our food from scratch)
I am not a vegetarian (I've just barely eaten any meat for months)
I don't have my own organic farm (yet)
I don't homeschool (and no, I haven't been considering it and researching it since Netanel started school - ok that's a lie, yes I have!)
I don't have anything to write here, but I really wanted to get to 20!
I do not listen to bluegrass and classic rock (b/c these days we're listening to Sandra Boynton and Uncle Moishe)
And finally, I don't play guitar, and the first song I didn't learn was not "Blowin' in the Wind" (were there enough negatives in there to cancel them all out?

So, do I get a medal or something? :-)

It's 4 o'clock, do you know...

2009-10-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know it's cliche, but it happened to me.

Little Miss O, princess of curls, and lacking pants and shoes walked down the block. I was nursing. I called her. No answer. I stopped nursing and ran out looking for her, sending Netanel around the block the other way and calling her name as I go. I looked into my neighbor's house (the one who's dog is pictured in my previous post) No one was home, except Punch (the dog). I continued looking.

As I ran frantically back towards home, I turned my head towards their house again, the door creaked open, and there was her curly little head poking out.

The little $%*&! she was hiding from me!
I think I need to give new thought to Hubby's idea of inventing a leashless collar for children!

While the Yeast was Proofing...

2009-10-25T06:51:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting for my yeast to proof so I can make pita bread for the next few days. This is my third attempt at making pitas that pocket... I'll let you know!

Anyway, while I have a minute (the kids are watching a dvd, and kooshkoosh is nursing - yes, I'm typing w/ onre hand!)...

First a pic of Miss O - she miraculously let me brush and put her hair back!

The Chard Salad came out excellent! So did the cinnamon buns and water challah!

The yeast is now totally bubbly and foamy, so I'm going to make my dough!

I love watching yeast proof!

Can you imagine? I've always loved to cook, but never fancied myself a baker. Now I buy freshly ground whole wheat flour straight from thew grower - 10 kilo worth! We haven't bought bread in months!

So while my dough rises, let me tell you what happened on friday...

My brother called, he's expecting his first in February. We got into a parenting conversation, chatting about the importance of giving each kid the attention that they need even though its hard with three, and he related a story that happened between him and my big one when they were here visiting about how Netanel was able to express that he was feeling ignored, and that they - wait.

Where's Miss O?

I hear the neighbor's dog barking playfully. They are best friends. I look out the window:

Can you see her?

And no, your eyes are not deceiving you. She's not wearing any pants.

And although we're laughing hysterically on the phone together, I don't think my little brother will be taking parenting advice from me!

(Update from the present: I am now typing to the tune of a kvetchy baby, classical music in midi from the little toy piano, winnie-the-pooh, and the two big ones tearing up toilet paper... time to go!)

Wonderful Tasty Chard!

2009-10-23T02:34:00.000-07:00

I bought chard in the market this week b/c we've been low on dark green leafies, so I decided to get creative for preparing it. Here's my original recipe for

Chard Salad w/ Cooked Grains
5 stalks chard (red or green)
1 leek
3 cloves garlic
1 cup barley
1 cup rice
~3 Tbs olive or sunflower oil

Directions:
Cook up the barley and rice (i did it separately, but you could probably cook them together and save time.
chop up chard, leek and garlic
sautee lightly in oil with some salt and pepper

refrigate all components separately.
before serving toss together with some fresh cilantro and lemon juice
Enjoy!

Shabbat Shalom from the Land of Milk and Honey!

How I Melted the Mixing Bowl

2009-10-21T02:19:00.000-07:00

It's 10:15am in the Land of Milk and Honey, and I am ready for a nap!
My day so far:
05:30 - I wake up to hubby asking Lil Miss O to stop pinching him.
06:00 - O (insistantly): I wanna watch a wevee! (trans: movie)
Hubby: nu. (he's praying and is not supposed to be talking)
me (from bed): O... come bring me books, I'll read to you.
Big Brother has awakened and joins O, Kooshkoosh, and me in my bed. I try to read through the foggy haze of sleepiness and lack of vision correction implements (i.e, glasses)
06:18 - Hubby comes upstairs and takes Kooshkoosh downstairs to make coffee, I continue to try to read.
06:30 - the bed is all mine and I drift longingly into 15 minutes of sleep, but now a voice breaks through the fog:

Hubby: Ayelet, do we have oatmeal?
yes, we do, but not the puor-boiling-water-over instant kind. I try to convey this via calling from my bed but end up abandoning all hopes of sleep.
I get up and come downstairs. A mug of coffee has been poured for me, bless that man's soul, little did I know it would need reheating before I'd get to drink it...

So I began to cook the oatmeal, I'm up already, let's make it good. I add in cut up apple, pear and plum pieces and some honey (ala my wonderful friend, Chaviva!! Thank you!!)

And then I notice the smell... I live in a row house, so I often smell things wafting from other houses, and the odor of burning plastic couldn't possibly be coming from my house....

It may have been 3 whole minutes of cooking before I realized that the noxious odor was in fact coming from my house, and not only that it was coming from two feet in front of my nose. My incrtedible, beloved, 32 cup Tupperware (TM) mixing bowl had become the first victim of my coffee-less morning.

The next was my husband, who had washed the dishes last night, bless that man's soul. But had decided that the stove top was a good place to leave a large plastic bowl to dry. (He was still home when I started cooking.) He got a pretty abusive call from me, which ended in tears and appologies (from me!)

Then came the child sacrifice. Here is my beautiful oatmeal:

And here is what my son left in his bowl (he was the one who wanted the arduous oatmeal which I awakened to prepare):

No, I did not raise my voice and lay on the guilt and threaten to never feed him again (ok, I really didn't do that last one!)

My morning: I ate a whole pot of oatmeal by myself, drank reheated coffee, sent Big Brother off to gan on his own (yes, Mom, he made it safe and sound!) , and started a new blog. At least some good has come of this!