Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The best teacher...

....experience, but it can also cause the most heartbreak. This is a beautiful and informative blog post about an OB/GYN's experiential realizations about birth.
My heart is with you, Dr. Poppy! And may your words be the voice of experience for others.

http://www.drpoppy.com/wordpress/?p=116

It is long, but a very worthwhile read.


March 19th, 2010

As I type, I look over at my one-week old baby zonked out in his cradle swing and am in awe at how awesome his arrival was.  Instead of having my third c-section as scheduled, I went into labor on my own (first time in 5 tries) and delivered him (precipitously in fact), one hour before I was to arrive at the hospital for my surgery.  I find this wonderful and quite ironic in light of the recent NIH VBAC conference in Bethesda, MD;  I had just downloaded the consensus statement and was digesting it while awaiting my baby’s arrival (more on that later).
In order to tell the story of how I ended up with a surprise VBAC, I have to start at the beginning of my long and adventurous reproductive journey.  My first pregnancy ended in the first trimester with a miscarriage and heavy bleeding requiring a D&C to stop it.  I was a OB/Gyn resident at the time and was surrounded by high risk OB patients every day.  I trained in downtown Philadelphia where an addicted mom with no prenatal care could deliver on one end of the hall, while a high risk IVFer from the Main Line might be delivering on the other end.  Although we worked side by side with midwives, we only became involved if their patients developed complications or needed a C-section.  Needless to say, like most OB residents, my experience with normal, low-risk physiological birth was minimal.  Being pregnant in this environment and then losing the baby certainly colored my perspective.  Like any mom who loses a first baby, I was troubled with the worry that I wouldn’t be able to have another baby, so that when I did become pregnant again, I embraced the “we have to be very careful and be supervised very closely with this one” approach.  I worked up until term, 36 hr shifts, 100 hr work-weeks, having to turn sideways at the operating table at the end, and then it was decided that I should be induced at 39 weeks due to gestational hypertension.  There were no signs of pre-eclampsia and the pressures were not sky-high, but at the time, I fell into the “you’re term, what’s the need to take a chance” mentality and was scheduled for an induction.  I went in at night for prostaglandin gel due to an unripe cervix (should have known better) followed by Pitocin the next morning.  I labored all day, getting the obligatory epidural that a Pitocin induction necessitates, finally getting to complete around 8 pm.  I pushed for 2 1/2 hrs, I used the bar, the sheet, everything the hospital approach has to offer…but the baby was OP and would not rotate with “all” of our maneuvers and so I received a C-section for “arrest of descent.”  Happy as I was with my new son, everyone who has labored and then had surgery, knows the pain that you are in for.  I wasn’t disappointed in the C-section because at that time, I was still fully entrenched in the “at least I have a healthy baby” mindset.
Despite that experience, I always wanted to have a vaginal birth and since most university hospitals were still doing them regularly (’03), I chose a new doctor whose obstetrical/surgical skills I trusted who would support by desire for VBAC.  My pressures started acting up again so I was slated for induction, although this time my cervix was riper and I went right in for Pitocin.  They did one of the most inhumane things which was to artifically rupture my membranes on Pitocin in the active phase of labor.  Needless to say, an epidural was imperative but I almost couldn’t sit for it due to the pain.  This time I pushed for 3 hours, hard pushing, hands and knees at one point (I must have learned something from the midwives), and ended up with a vacuum extraction and a fractured coccyx, from a 7#14oz baby.  He had jaundice and a cephalohematoma but hey, I got my VBAC.  He today is honored to say, “I broke mom’s butt when I was born.”
Baby number 3 was an easier pregnancy although this time I added on gestational diabetes so that plus the usual spike in blood pressures brought us back to induction.  Although he was my smallest baby, 7#, he still was delivered by vacuum although my butt remained intact.  With baby number 4, I figured another VBAC was practically guaranteed so I didn’t resist the induction assuming the last birth meant smoother sailing now.  This time they decided to start the Pitocin the night before, but instead of staying at a low dose overnight, the nurse kept coming in and increasing the dosage.  I knew I wasn’t progressing because I was not in active labor, so I questioned her about the dose, reminding her that I did have a scarred uterus.  She responded that everything looked fine but she would stop until morning.  Morning arrived with the usual course of epidural, AROM and increasing Pitocin.  When it came time to push, within 20 minutes, I knew something was wrong.  Despite the epidural, I could tell he wasn’t coming down with my pushing and by the frazzled looks of everyone in the room, I knew the heart tones were dropping.  I looked at my husband and told him we needed to stop.  By the time they got down to the uterus in the OR, it became clear that if we wouldn’t have stopped, I would have had a uterine rupture.  As it was, I had what is called a uterine window, they were able to see the baby’s hair through a very thin lower uterine segment.
Finally, I made the connection between the induction and the narrow avoidance of catastrophe.   So with baby number five, I knew I did not want another induction.  Interestingly, this pregnancy was also my healthiest.  I had made a concentrated effort before becoming pregnant to address my diet and treat my vitamin deficiencies, so I had no blood sugar or blood pressure problems, kept my weight gain to 15 pounds and did not have any obstetric problems other than being an advanced maternal age grandmultipara with a history of 2 c-sections!  Knowing that I had never gone into spontaneous labor, I felt the safest route was to do a scheduled repeat C-section at 40 weeks.  I did put it into God’s hands and had been in prayer that I was open to the baby coming forth in whatever way he was supposed to…and so I went into spontaneous labor at 2 am, the morning of surgery, got to the hospital at 4:30 and was 9 cm dilated.  The staff asked me what I wanted to do and I said, “I’m going to have him!”  They also offered me an epidural (too late for that) and IV pain meds (I certainly didn’t want a narced up baby), so unmedicated it was, and he was born at 5:13 AM, a beautiful, alert 7#11oz baby boy who latched right on and has been peaceful ever since.  Not having to recover from an extensive surgery was a gift for which I continue to be amazed and grateful.
Reflecting back over my journey, I see how much the field of obstetrics has managed to contribute and sometimes outright cause complications, all the while assuming they are just keeping everyone safer.  And I see how much fear has overtaken the natural birthing process.  I’ve said before that shows like Deliver Me, A Baby Story, and Birth Day should be renamed “Fear Factor” because they play on a woman’s often natural concerns about the birth by portraying the whole process as highly dramatic, with a woman strapped down and hooked up, by a doctor gowned and gloved like an alien visitor and often highlighting very anxious family members.  Sure a woman has fear, fear that something is going to happen to her or the baby, fear of pain, fear of failure, that she just won’t be able to “do it.”  Add in snarky, cynical nurses and doctors who ridicule anyone who seems to want to be in charge of her birth (after all we’re the experts)…limited labor support or assistance in the form of doulas or labor coaches except in certain areas…restricted mobility, food and drink…and almost endless interventions and you have potential for trouble.  We have cultivated an environment that this is normal, and somehow now some women even find value in being “risky.”  My mentor, Dr. Lauren Plante, a maternal-fetal medicine specialist who had two midwife-attended home births, wrote about this in anessay entitled “Mommy, what did you do in the industrial revolution?”  Meditations on the rising cesarean rate:  “Although the inherent literal meaning of the high-risk pregnancy is one that entails a higher risk of a poor outcome (for mother or baby), the sub-text seems to be that high-risk equals high-value…is it the Disneyfication of a primal human endeavor, longing for the synthetic and dramatized in preference to the authentic?”  In other words, do we have more regard for the Main-Liner’s IVF-achieved pregnancy who has an elective c-section over the addicted mother’s unmedicated spontaneous birth?
All of the repeat C-sections and almost extinction of VBAC, have not really prevented poor outcomes as revealed by the NIH VBAC conference.  Women who have a trial of labor after a previous cesarean have a lower risk of maternal mortality compared to those who have a repeat cesarean.  Although there is a higher risk of uterine rupture with trial of labor, spontaneous labor versus induction has the lowest risk.  And there have been no reports of maternal mortality due to uterine rupture (we were constantly told…mother and baby could die with VBAC).  Repeat C-sections are also associated with an increased risk of abnormal placental position and growth in subsequent pregnancies, which also increases risk of cesarean hysterectomy.  Although there is an increased risk of perinatal mortality with trial of labor, the risk is small and not that different from a laboring woman with her first pregnancy.  Issues related to medical liability are a big concern for many practitioners, a fact that could be alleviated or helped by tort reform and hospitals assuming some malpractice costs up front.  In our local hospital, although the hospital allows VBACs, there is at least one doctor who simply doesn’t want to take any risk and personally won’t do VBACs.  This approach is unfortunate since the overall finding of the NIH conference is that trial of labor is a safe option for many women and that women should be fully informed so that they may make the best decision for them.  ACOG certainly needs to revise its mandate that anesthesia and c-section should be available immediately so that more rural hospitals can still offer VBAC to their patients without feeling they are not within standard of care.  Can you imagine if I had been in a VBAC-banned hospital and been forced to have surgery at 9 cm dilated?  Can you imagine how that would have increased my potential for morbidity and even mortality?  Should everyone have a VBAC?  No, but every woman should still have the opportunity to discuss her personal issues and whether it could be an option for her, and she should be not be forced to have surgery against her will due to a medically-unsubstantiated VBAC ban.  We should continue to make efforts to reduce medically unnecessary inductions for mom and baby’s well-being, we should attempt to humanize cesareans for moms who need to have them, we should properly evaluate and assess each VBAC individually to decrease risk, and we should place natural labor and birth back into the realm of the norm, with the interventions and surgeries reserved for the truly high-risk.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Tzachi is walking!

I'm sooo in for it!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Live and let die

This morning I went to refill Netanel's water bottle, and found little particles floating around in the bottle - mmm, kiddie backwash... Anyway... I decided that our mint plant would probably appreciate it more than me, so I went out to the porch to give dear Nana a drink. As I turned to go back inside I heard a crunch and pulled back my foot so fast I almost fell.

Sure enough, I had crushed a large cockroach. Gross. I'm not a huge fan of the things, although I'm not sure why. They really are just ugly and large, not harmful... and we actually don't ever see them in the house (thank The Holy Protector Of Bugs and People!) and normally, when I have caught one outside, I just kick it into the garden and send it on it's merry way... so I was unprepared for my inadvertent murder.

When I came back inside, Netanel asked me why I shrieked. So I told him. His first reaction was, "Can I see?!"

We stopped to look at the poor, inverted thing with its guts splayed about it, and he said, "It's ok, Mommy, the ants will come eat it!" So I'm fully impressed at this point by my son's grasp of the "Great Circle of Life" but then it gets better.

I didn't want to leave it on the porch, so I got the broom and swept it off to the pavement. And then my son sighed, "Chaval! (loosely translated as "too bad") You moved the ants' food! Look," pointing to a few ants marching across the porch, "they were already on their way!"

I reassured him that the ants would find their succulent breakfast, and we made our way to preschool.

I love my kids!

The non-existential post

There's something brewing just under the surface of my consciousness, and it's not the coffee. It's a transformation I'm experiencing and I have been trying to express it in words for the past month to no avail.

Yesterday I applied myself to the task. The house was quiet, Yoram was doing work for a client, the kids were asleep, I'd had a productive day. I opened up a new post in blogger and started to write - nothing. I tried WordPress, thinking it might help to use a different format. Still nothing. So I shut off the internet and opened a document in OpenOffice, thinking that if I treat it as a random piece of writing as opposed to something I plan on sharing with the world, maybe the creative juices would start flowing... Not even a sentence emerged.

I closed my computer, and dug out a pen and a paper notebook - I abandoned the idea of a title or any purpose at all, just allowed the pen to flow along the sheets of lined paper... It did flow, which I discovered when I woke up half an hour later with ink marks on my hand and my cheek!

So I've decided to let that go for now. Apparently this new experience is not ready to have an expression outside of myself yet. 

Since I am sure that you are now reading this feeling very let down and disappointed, fear not! I will not leave you thus sulking in uncertainty and anticipation! I will leave you with something much more substantial and exciting than the expression of my existential transformation could possibly achieve...

Recipes! 

I made a really delicious salmon for Shavuot that was inspired by a recipe in Sally Fallon's book Nourishing Traditions. I humbly submit it for your enjoyment:

Salmon and Scallions

Ingredients:
  • 5-7 salmon fillets
  • bunch of green onions (scallions) chopped
  • 3 cloves garlic, chopped or crushed
  • 1" chunk of ginger, grated
  • 1/4 C soy sauce
  • 1/4 C rice vinegar
  • 1/4 C honey
  • juice of 1 lemon
  • salt and pepper
Instructions:
  • preheat oven to 350F/190C 
  • lightly grease a 9x13 pan or use parchment paper
  • lay fillets, skin side down in the pan
  • sprinkle chopped scallions over salmon
  • in a bowl combine the rest of the ingredients and pour over salmon
  • cover tightly and bake 15-20 minutes until just done.
  • toasted sesame seeds (I prefer toasting them myself, just toss them in a hot skillet until they get brown - but careful not to let them burn!)
I served this at room temperature and then again the next day (and then again a few days later!)
Leftovers keep very well in the fridge

So what are you serving this with?? 
How about:

Sweet and Spicy Veggies w/ Rice

Ingredients:
  • 1 cup rice, cooked*
  • 4-5 large carrots cut into coins
  • 1 bunch spinach
  • 3 Tbs butter or oil
  • 1/4 C honey
  • 1/2 tsp grated ginger
  • 2 cloves garlic, crushed
  • salt and pepper
Instructions:

*You can prepare any rice you like in your favorite way. My personal favorite is whole grain basmati rice which I toast with some olive oil before adding boiling water. 
  • wash spinach but don't dry it, just shake off excess water, set aside.
  • In a medium saucepan (larger than 2 quarts) melt butter over med heat
  • Add carrots and stir to coat
  • Cover pot and cook carrots until they just begin to soften (~3-5 min) 
  • Add spinach and stir
  • Cover pot again and cook another 5 minutes (just enough for the spinach to get wilted and the carrots to soften)
  • add the rest of the ingredients and stir to coat
  • cook, covered, another 5 minutes
  • toss over rice and serve!
The nutritional benefits of this complete meal are fantastic! The combination of the fish with the rice and lightly cooked vegetables ensure that all the nutrients: protein, calcium, iron, carotenes, Vitamins B and C (just to name a few!) are all at their highest levels of bio-availability! (that means your body will actually be able to absorb and use the nutrients in this meal when it is served together.)

בתאבון!
Enjoy!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Lucky/Unlucky Me

There are always leftovers of the lunches from my son's preschool. Most of the time someone knows someone who could really use free food. But occasionally it's offered up to the first parent to arrive at pick up with a car.

Today I was the lucky one. Since there's no school tomorrow I decided, "what they hey? It'll make my life a little easier tomorrow." So I left with a large plastic bag of gov't issue preschool lunch. Then I got home and looked at what it was.

Unlike my experience in my son's NJ school, we do not receive a menu, and although I ask Netanel what he eats for lunch, I don't always get a straight answer. So this was my first exposure to the actual food that he is being served on a daily basis. I was devastated.

In one plastic container, I found greasy pasta which seemed to be seasoned with soup mix. The second container had canned green beans in a watery red sauce. I can only assume there was a protein main dish that had been finished. Based on what I was looking at for sides, I can only imagine that the main dish was something just as pitiful. Fried, breaded chicken breast? Maybe.

I feel defeated! In my house we eat only whole wheat flour, we stay away from refined sugars, we eat mostly vegetables and fruit, grains and legumes. We have limited dairy intake too. Netanel's behavior is so easily affected by his food, so I try to be very vigilant over what he eats. Why should he be reprimanded for behavior problems caused by the food I give him? If I allow him the occasional treat, we discuss it before hand. I ask him, "Who's in control, Netanel? You or the sugar?" And he tells me that he is, and I tell him that if he is unable to control himself, I will restrain him, and then he can choose to eat the treat or not. Now I feel as if all my hard work is a complete waste of time!

I want to take on the system, get in touch with the Ministry of Education and the Ministry of Health, and start a campaign to bring healthy food to our children. I know it's been done in other places, and I think it's even being done here in some areas of the country. At the same time, I'm so reluctant to take something else onto my heavily burdened shoulders.

This is Netanel's last year in Gan, but next year Odeliya will be starting, with Yitzchak not far behind. Something needs to be done about this, and soon. I am so open to ideas of how to go about this, or maybe even find other people who are already working on getting healthy, fresh food to our kids' schools who's bandwagon I can conveniently jump on.

Till then, I'm going to sleep.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Really useful magic

I know that following my last post, one might think that there is a running theme here, but really this is entirely unrelated. This is something that has been on my mind for a while, probably since my daughter was born 3 years ago. That's when I realized that to juggle motherhood, wifing (apparently, that's a word, since my spell check isn't underlining it!), running a business and staying conscious was going to require a lot more coffee!

Israel is a coffee culture, not like in the NY metro area (where I spent most of my life), where it's mostly "grab n' go." In Israel, it is not uncommon to see a man sitting alone on his porch in the middle of the day, one leg crossed over the other, with a glass (yes, glass) of turkish coffee in his hand. People sit and drink coffee here, whether alone or in small groups. So I fit right in! Although, I grind my coffee and brew it in a filter, and most Israelis will either drink turkish coffee or instant. But I've converted quite a few of my friends to filtered coffee since I've been here.

So now we come to my dilemma. My amazingly wonderful husband usually sets up the coffee maker before he goes to work, so that when I come downstairs, I only have to turn it on. Lately, I've decided to wait to brew my coffee until I get home from dropping Tani and Odeliya off at gan. The routine goes something like this:
I bring Yitzchak inside, he's whining because he wants to nurse. I know that if I sit down and nurse him, he'll fall asleep, but there's no guarantee that he'll let me put him down. I'd love to be able to sit and enjoy my coffe alone, but I'm also not sure I want to wait that long. After a few seconds of internal turmoil over whether to brew or not to brew, I usually decide to brew the coffee, fill my mug and then sit down to nurse.

Inevitably, a few minutes after I've drained the cup, I distractedly pick up my mug to take another sip, and I'm always disappointed to find it empty. I don't want another full cup of coffee, just a few more sips, and it's not like I'm drinking your standard 8-9oz mug, my coffee mugs are all 16 oz!

So if I had one wish, and I know this is pretty pathetic, but it would be that when I brew a cup of coffee it would magically refill itself until I am fully satisfied. Sometimes you just need a good, long cup of joe!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Why do they celebrate Christmas at Hogwarts?

I've been sick with the flu for a week, and while I debated posting a deep spiritual awakening that I experienced... well, I figured I'd start with something a little more light-hearted. Especially since I still feel like my cerebrospinal fluid is solidifying and threatening to cause my skull to explode. (In other words, I still have a pretty bad headache.)

So, on with our post. With all due respect to Ms. Rowling, who I'm sure was less concerned with historical accuracy than with relevance for her audience, but wouldn't it be more appropriate for a castle full of witches and wizards to celebrate Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox? Those were, after all, the original pagan celebrations of the seasons. But more disturbing is the fact that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christianity, which was responsible for eradicating anyone who was suspected of magical affiliation, i.e. our lovable young Harry and his delightful little friends, they would have all been mercilessly burned at the stake, their homes and families destroyed by the agents of the religion who's holiday they are celebrating. (sorry for the gruesome imagery, it's the CFS...;-)

Don't get me wrong, Jewish law also deals severely with Jews who dabble in magical arenas, but since the Harry Potter books make no reference to Judaism - except maybe to insinuate that all good Jews practice dentistry... well, anyway, we're just going to keep us out of this particular conversation.

In the meantime, to all you magical beings out there, you should know that I am peeved on your behalf.