Girl Power!! I love my daughter!

Overheard this morning:

Netanel: Odeliya! We're playing Star Wars! I'm Luke and you're Princess Lea, Ok?

Odeliya: Ok. (then she goes running into the other room)

Netanel: No! Princess Lea, don't go in there, there are bad guys!

Odeliya: I don't care, I'm strong. I can kill them.

yeah!!!! Now note her costume:

  

Star Wars: The Ballet!

Back to work - and excited!!

Hey all! Ok, I've been MIA - and I pledge a post in the next week explaining why - and then they'll make into a movie for the Hallmark channel and we'll all breath a little easier.

But in the meantime, I've started my new job as Marketing Director of Mamala Maternity!! The Blog is already up and the twitter and fb are just beginning... (I'll post links to that stuff when there's more to see there.)

Go check it out and tell me what you think!!!

Love to all,
~Ayelet

How babies are born - by Odeliya

Yesterday my 4 yr old daughter came home from preschool and spent most of the afternoon playing in the yard with her brothers and the dog. This happy quiet playing allowed me to unpack a few more boxes in my bedroom. (It also resulted in my cellphone being dumped into a bucket of water... :-) )

While I folded and sorted clothing for babies of all genders and ages, Odeliya came wandering in to my room with a baby doll in her arms.
"Mommy, when you go to have a baby do you go to the doctor and he cuts you open and takes out your baby and then puts your stomach back?"
Did I hear that right? I mean, WHAT?! deep breath.
"What was that, Odeliya?"  I asked. She repeated her initial statement almost to the word. Now, it is very important to note that Odeliya is not a verbally expressive child. She is emotional and physical, but not generally verbal. So this was extremely articulate for you.
Clearly I couldn't exclaim "No! that is NOT how babies are born!" because the truth is that some babies do need to be born that way.
Two things were going through my mind at this point:
1) Where did she hear this?
and 2) When did cesarean birth become the prevailing notion for how babies get born?
"Odeliya, where did you hear that?"
"Tal told Daria in gan that that's how babies are born." Oh great, Daria's mother is due any minute, I'm sure she's going to love hearing this even more than I did!
"I see. Well, Odeliya, that is not the way that babies are born. Sometime, if there is an emergency - if something is really wrong - a baby might need to be taken out that way. But that is not the way all babies are born."
In the span of 10 seconds several versions of how to explain birth to a 4 year old - this 4 year old - flashed through my mind and none of them felt right. If I were talking to Netanel, I could have told him. Odeliya doesn't pay too much attention to words. So after a brief mental debate where I weighed to benefits vs. risks of going to video, I asked her if she would like to see how babies are born. I wished at that moment that I had a video of her birth to show her... but we went to youtube instead.

Odeliya was fascinated, completely enthralled. She watched with quiet focus as several mommies birthed their babies.
I watched her reactions, and quietly commented that the blood she was seeing is what cushions the baby inside the mommy and not scary blood like when she gets a booboo. I think I made another explanation too, but I can't remember about what. Afterwards I asked her what she thought and this was her response:
"Oh."
And off she went to carry on torturing the dog!

Thanks, Dels, I'm glad we had this little talk.

Sharing the beauty of motherhood

I just had to share this beautiful photo from my beloved MW, Olivia with her daughter Zora.

Olivia's caption: Love is when you don't mind sitting in an akward position for nearly an hour while your beloved sleeps :)

And later that same night, my little guy woke up very disgruntled. He was clammy and mosquito-bitten, and he pulled off his diaper... He finally settled himself, lay his head on my chest and fell back asleep. He must have been jealous of Zora! And I found more pillows to keep me propped up so he'd be comfortable. I felt like I could have stayed like that all night, just breathing in his sweet scent, feeling the softness of his skin, and watching the rise and fall of his breathing...

Of course, in retrospect, I'm very thankful to Yoram for gently helping me put on a new diaper and lay him down in his own bed (for at least a few hours till he came back in to our room!)

Is this supposed to break me, or inspire me to fight the system?

I have been trying to sleep. And I can't. 

It's almost 2:30 in the morning and I really need to sleep, for the past 2 days I've been trying to process this experience and understand how to fit it into my life and now it's keeping me up despite my best efforts to relax, to think about other things - I even drank some wine to help me relax. To no avail.

I have to express this.

On Monday I took the driving test that is required by Israeli law to transfer my foreign license. According to the law (as written on the DMV website) this test is supposed to be a very short test to see that the driver does in fact know how to handle a car. This is to deter situations where people forge foreign licenses and then come to claim an Israeli one. Or so I'm told. Because once upon a time an Oleh was able to present their valid license and receive a valid license. I don't fully understand why they can't just do a routine check with the DMV in the state of the issued license to check if it's valid. Especially between Israel and the US - where I am still a citizen and where I pay taxes. (meaning, the two countries have an allied relationship. and some would say even an interdependency - whatever let's not get into that.)

An immigrant is given 2 chances to pass this driving test after which they must take a written test and then a regular driving test. Last year I made all the arrangements, found a driving instructor, scheduled a test and failed. You know what? I failed. I hadn't driven in nearly 6 months because we don't have a car. The instructor I chose was terrible and I have since found out that everyone in the industry knows that. (If you live in the North and you want to check that your instructor in Kiryat Shmona is not this guy, you can contact.me - I'm not going to slander him, but I'll tell you who he's not.) Anyway, on that test, I actually drove into a street that had a Do Not Enter sign. (note that the sing was extremely faded and not in full view, but I violated it all the same.)

This time I came prepared. I found a really good instructor - Niv. (You can call me for his number if you need someone) I still don't have a car, and am technically no longer allowed to drive on my NJ license cuz I've been here more than a year, so I did the right thing. I took a bunch of lessons in Kiryat Shmona, he took me on all the test routes, he pointed out the hard bits, I did great. By the time the tester sat down next to me, I was feeling totally Zen. I felt completely confident in my ability to drive, I felt completely confident that all outcomes are in God's hands and we proceeded. I even was able to overcome my Brooklyn habit of always being ready at the gas! 

There was another girl in the car with me, a teenager who was going to be taking her test second and who had already failed two or three times.

I drove beautifully, no problems - then Hashem sent me a challenge, and I slipped. It seems that a particular small street in Kiryat Shmona starts off as a one way street and then without any signage becomes a two way street. I didn't drive on the wrong side of the street. That wasn't the issue. What I did do was when I was asked to make a left at the end of that street, I signaled and then moved to the left to make the turn from the left side which is the law for a one way street. Once my mistake was pointed out to me I immediately (and calmly with no hesitation or nervousness) corrected myself and continued driving. 

You're asking yourself how this is fair because how was I supposed to know that it changed to a two way? As everyone who drives in Israel knows, there are no lines on the street. On this particular day, no one drove up on my left either, and it happened that there were no cars parked facing the wrong way (although as everyone in Israel knows that wouldn't mean anything either.) What did happen was that I crossed an intersection. And when a street reaches an intersection - all previous bets are off. This includes changes in speed limit. If there is a sign indicating a change in speed limit, this means until a new sign or until an intersection - that's important information all you olim!

So anyway, everything else went just fine and the tester was actually quite nice about it, and I still felt confident. The girl who took her test next was awful! I'm sorry, but my gage these days is whether or not I am made to feel like hurling, and she was so choppy, and she was speeding several times - which he pointed out, and she accelerated into a dangerous turn instead of breaking - which he pointed out, and then she stayed in the left lane of a larger two lane street (on which she was speeding) which he pointed out, which you can also get a ticket for in this country.

When we got out of the car I felt very confident that although I had slipped up, I proved what I was supposed to prove, and the tester was aware that this was a foreign transfer and that the story was finally over.

At 4pm my instructor called and tried to find my name on his list of people who passed. He wasn't sure of my last name, even when I repeated it but he said he couldn't find it on the list and he was sorry. He told me that when he gets my form the next day we would know why I failed and that was it.

I decided that mistakes happen, and continued to pray that this was a fluke. Because I mean, we have to get to Jerusalem for Pesach - a family of 5 with suitcases and not to mention my belly. And not only that, but we are going to be there for a week and a half, and had planned on taking some trips since it is the only time of year that Yoram has vacation. And I was gonna keep asking for what I felt was right until I had a clear answer that the answer is no. (you know like kids do to their parents all the time.)

But that's not all. If I have to take this test over it means the following - getting to Kiryat Shmona and paying to take the written test one day, I won't be able to retake the driving test until next month. That means another lesson or two since I won't have driven in that time, it means getting back and forth to Kiryat Shmona, it means finding places for my kids after school... It means that I am being made a victim of this stupid beaurocracy that is complete nonsense and that is so ingrained that it is impossible to fight.

Today at around 1pm (after many tearful prayers and a lot of processing) my instructor called me and I was prepared for an answer - whatever it was.

(the conversation - mostly in Hebrew, went like this)

"Ayelet, I don't know why you failed." 

"what?"

"on your green form, he wrote 'fail' but the test form where he needs to write why is missing"

"what do you mean? so maybe there was a mistake. I don't accept that. Unless I see why he's failing me I'm going to fight this! I proved that I can drive, that is all that was required of me on this test. What happened to the other girl?"

"She passed." 

"What??? She told you the mistakes she made! How did he pass a teenager that failed 3 times and made clear mistakes and not me? A mother of 3 with 14 years of driving experience? What do we do now?"

"Ayelet, drop it, he can do whatever he wants. Tomorrow I will go into the DMV and find out what happened to your form. But that's about it. If he says you failed you failed."

"I don't accept it, Niv. Not until I see that form."

"But you made a left turn from the wrong lane. He can fail you for that."

"Niv, this is not ok. If I had the form I would understand, but maybe there is room to try and fight this - because you know I can drive!"

"So write a letter and I will take it with me tomorrow. Write exactly what you told me. But this is Israel, Ayelet, you can't fight this. It's not America."

We hung up.

Most Olim after a couple of years accept the israeli mentality of "Ayn Ma la'asot" (nothing can be done). That's the way it is, there's no fighting it. So I'm being reticent. I believe that everything comes from Hashem. But I don't believe that means that we lie down and accept injustice. 

I want to fight this, but I feel that I'm alone. and one little shnook from NY is not going to make any sort of difference against the department of transportation. But I feel that my rights are being violated - and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Maybe it wasn't in your driving test, but somewhere in this ridiculous system, you've been taken advantage of because you didn't know the language or all the rules and they used that against you. Sometime during your Aliyah you've been made to feel unwelcome by the very authorities that should be supporting you.

I need some help. And honest opinions. Am I out of my mind? Am I supposed to just accept this and take the test again (and everything that comes with it) and pay another ~800 shekel when all is said and done? And just chalk it up to "ayn ma laasot?" I'm in Israel now? Or should I rally the forces, find others who oppose this and who have experienced this and launch a full scale attack on this insanity. It has to stop somewhere. Just as there is a reason for everything, there is also a reason that a large percentage of world Jewery was exiled to North America before coming here. We have a different experience. We know better. Should we not be trying to make things better for everyone here? 

I want to go in there tomorrow with Niv and find out what happened - but Niv's exact words to me on the topic were, (in Hebrew) "Ayelet, let it go. It's a waste of your energy to fight this office. You don't know them, they don't care about anyone! If you spit on them, they'll piss on you. They don't care. It's a waste of your energy that is better spent studying for the written exam, and moving on."

Obviously, as evidenced by the fact that I'm writing about this at 3:15am, I'm not ready to accept this. What is the next step then? Suck it up and get used to it? Or try to make a change?

(And while we're on the topic - anyone know what the maximum penalty is for driving on a foreign license past the alloted time? Just curious.) 

Overworked and Underpaid in Israel... another news inspired post

I just read this article in Haaretz about the growing problem of poverty in Israel.

The author suggests that the government implement welfare to work programs and vocational training, and that's all fine and good... but I don't think that is truly treating the root of the problem. In my opinion, that's just another band-aid plaster (as we call it here!)

I know I've only been here for 2 years, but I'm taking the liberty to comment on this from a personal perspective.

B"H, Yoram got a job relatively quickly as Aliyah stories go. We moved to Katzrin in May and he was hired as a temp worker in the winery in August. Within the last year, he was promoted to a full time employee, and although there are many wonderful benefits of his job (not the least of which is free wine!) his income alone puts us right in the above statistics. And he works haaard!

I'm going to make a bold statement. In my opinion, the lack of education is what's causing more people to drop below the poverty line. The problem is that pay is not commensurate with workload in most "middle class" jobs.

In most of Israel, certainly here in the Golan, a one-income family is not even the dream that most couples aspire to achieve - only needing two incomes would suffice!

Vocational training programs, as well as easily attained government subsidies to attend them, exist in spades here. But what happens once you enter your new profession? Will you now suddenly feel fulfilled and able to sustain a lifestyle that allows for even the most meager purchases over "basic needs"? or even those actual basic needs (without going into overdraft!)?

Probably not.

Maybe if you're single and live in your parent's Mamad. But not if you actually want to get married and have a family.

What we need is to raise minimum wage to something that reflects the actual prices of groceries and basic amenities. We need a way to encourage companies and employers to pay higher salaries and give more merit based and need based raises. Benefits packages need to be re-evaluated to reflect the needs of the allegedly vanishing middle class families.

an overly generous social welfare system that leads to people finding it easier to stay home and live off of welfare checks than heading back to work

Considering that in most cases a second income will not cover daycare - you might also be tempted to take the "easy" road of unemployment if it means you get to raise your own kids - or even see them and spend time with them instead of being completely exhausted from the 2 or 3 jobs that you are working just to pay the bills.

And then, once all that's done, and we "middle-classers" have a little disposable income - that's when we North Americans will be needing our Sunday's back to shop!

What's in your backpack?

This post is inspired by Crazy Stable's recent post about the sad reality of the death of playtime (my high school English teacher is not going to like that sentence!) You should read it.

It reminded me of a recent experience with Tani and an inspection of the contents of his backpack...

Tani is learning in an anthroposophic learning environment where he and his 13 classmates learn through experience, movement, art, etc... He knows all his letter and numbers up to 13 (they just started numbers a few weeks ago), he creates phenomenal drawings based on the readings of the weekly Torah portion, and he can sounds out words that he sees with ease. Yes, Mom, I know you think he's exceptional - but you're biased, ok? His classmates are on par.

He doesn't get homework. About a month ago Yoram realized that Tani's backpack was really heavy and we wondered what's inside it? It's not like he's lugging textbooks and binders like his public school counterparts...  so we asked him to show us.

"Oh," I said, "exactly what a six year old should have in his backpack!"
The full inventory:

• a small green towel from his pre-school graduation (always know where your towel is!)
• several rocks of varying shapes, colors and sizes - he also told us the names of some of them, such as flint and basalt
• a collection of sticks
• some bits of crayon
• his case of colored pencils that I embroidered with his name (by hand! didn't know I was that talented, didja?)

After reading the above post, I was so thankful that my kids have more fun with rocks and sticks than with digital apparatus. And can I put in a shameless Golan Aliyah plug here? It helps that we live in a town where the kids can go play outside themselves, where the prominence of digital play pieces is extremely low, and where we have lots and lots of nature and animals 10 minutes walk in any direction!

Thanks for the inspiration! And thanks for sharing the post, Lenore, @FreeRangeKids!