What's in your backpack?

This post is inspired by Crazy Stable's recent post about the sad reality of the death of playtime (my high school English teacher is not going to like that sentence!) You should read it.

It reminded me of a recent experience with Tani and an inspection of the contents of his backpack...

Tani is learning in an anthroposophic learning environment where he and his 13 classmates learn through experience, movement, art, etc... He knows all his letter and numbers up to 13 (they just started numbers a few weeks ago), he creates phenomenal drawings based on the readings of the weekly Torah portion, and he can sounds out words that he sees with ease. Yes, Mom, I know you think he's exceptional - but you're biased, ok? His classmates are on par.

He doesn't get homework. About a month ago Yoram realized that Tani's backpack was really heavy and we wondered what's inside it? It's not like he's lugging textbooks and binders like his public school counterparts...  so we asked him to show us.

"Oh," I said, "exactly what a six year old should have in his backpack!"
The full inventory:

• a small green towel from his pre-school graduation (always know where your towel is!)
• several rocks of varying shapes, colors and sizes - he also told us the names of some of them, such as flint and basalt
• a collection of sticks
• some bits of crayon
• his case of colored pencils that I embroidered with his name (by hand! didn't know I was that talented, didja?)

After reading the above post, I was so thankful that my kids have more fun with rocks and sticks than with digital apparatus. And can I put in a shameless Golan Aliyah plug here? It helps that we live in a town where the kids can go play outside themselves, where the prominence of digital play pieces is extremely low, and where we have lots and lots of nature and animals 10 minutes walk in any direction!

Thanks for the inspiration! And thanks for sharing the post, Lenore, @FreeRangeKids!

My blogging as guided by a six yr old

Can you please tell me I'm not the only one - sometimes I just can't remember my kids' names! It's not that there are so many of them, but there are usually at least 7 other things going on in my brain while I am trying to address the concern of my little bundle of joy - whatshisname.

Today's episode - Netanel Chimes In

Mommy is cooking dinner in the kitchen, chopping carrots and sweet potatoes for red lentil soup (recipe below!). She just managed to put the baby down in the salon to play with his siblings, and is just beginning to feel the sweetness of working with two hands - when chaos strikes!

A toy was grabbed, hair was pulled, crying ensues...

Mommy (calling from the kitchen as she chooses between curry and cumin, finally deciding on both): Netanel, can you please help with sh-oh-ne- the- that-"

Netanel (incredulously): Yitzchak?

Mommy: Yes! Please help him to stop crying.

Netanel (now with impunity): Mooommy! What? You don't even know you're child's name? 

Mommy (absently, stirring the soup): sometimes.

Netanel (with the know-it-all essence only a six year old can convey): (chuckles) you don't even know your kids' names! Blog that!

So I did. :-)

Absent-minded One-handed Red Lentil Soup recipe:

Ingredients:

2 onions, chopped

3 carrots, chopped or grated

2 sweet potatoes, in chunks

1 apple, grated

4 cloves garlic, minced

2 liters of water

1 cup red lentils, rinsed

spices: salt, pepper, cumin, turmeric, curry, 1 bay leaf, 4 whole cloves, 4 dried myrtle berries

Sautee onion in olive oil over low heat (that way it doesn't burn while you run to wipe a nose, flush a toilet, sooth some tears, etc...)

add carrots, sweet potato, apple

add the ground spices and stir until aromatic

add garlic, sautee for about 30 seconds

add water, bring to a boil (you wanna raise the heat now!)

throw  in the lentils and the bay leaf, cloves and berries (if you're not sure what these are, you can skip them!)

Simmer for about an hour, remove bay leaf, cloves and berries, and hit that pot with an immersion blender!

(If it seems like it still needs something, it does - lemon juice. Squeeze in about a 1/4 cup of lemon juice and you will have soupy bliss!)

Little bits of silliness after bedtime

I'll spare you all the apologies for the pathetic and inexcusable hiatus since my last post in June... :-) Let's just jump back in now, shall we?

Tonight I let Netanel stay up late. Yoram's working the night shift this week (damn harvest!), Odeliya and Yitzchak hadn't napped and therefore fell asleep easily and early, so I got to hang out with my little man.

After hearing some great stories, seeing his latest paper airplane flight tests, and talking about the seven noahide laws  (hehehe!!)... Netanel was finally in pj's and lying in my bed. I let. Netanel is still talking, he's telling me about space monkeys and swinging on rubber bands and about proper body mechanics for swinging through the jungle, and I would really like him to say shema and fall asleep. But he's so cute, and when do I ever really get to listen to him and spend time with him alone? The dishes can wait, the toys can be picked up tomorrow... so then he says that something "sucks" and I'm back in the present and this is where the fun begins...

Me: Netanel, I know you've heard that word, and it's not that it's a bad word, but it is, well, you only use that word when you really mean it.
Netanel: Well what does it mean?
Me: (chuckle) It means really bad, like "על הפנים" ("al hapanim" lit. "on the face")
Netanel: (a look of understanding flashes in his eyes, followed by a glint of mischief) You know what else is "al hapanim"? When someone throws a pillow and (he pulls the pillow out from under his head) it lands like this (pulling it over his face) that's al hapanim too.
Me: (I get it...) and you know what else is al hapanim? This mosquito bite (pointing to his forehead)
Now I take my phone off the night table and in a mock annoyed voice I say, while putting the phone on his face, "This phone is על הפנים!" now the stuffed animal, "look, meow is al hapanim!" (giggles from netanel, smiles from ear to ear)

We went back and forth for a while thinking of things that would be "on the face" in more way than one. And at the end of a long week like this one, at the beginning of another long night till Yoram comes home, I was reminded, once again, of what I love about being a mother.

Live and let die

This morning I went to refill Netanel's water bottle, and found little particles floating around in the bottle - mmm, kiddie backwash... Anyway... I decided that our mint plant would probably appreciate it more than me, so I went out to the porch to give dear Nana a drink. As I turned to go back inside I heard a crunch and pulled back my foot so fast I almost fell.

Sure enough, I had crushed a large cockroach. Gross. I'm not a huge fan of the things, although I'm not sure why. They really are just ugly and large, not harmful... and we actually don't ever see them in the house (thank The Holy Protector Of Bugs and People!) and normally, when I have caught one outside, I just kick it into the garden and send it on it's merry way... so I was unprepared for my inadvertent murder.

When I came back inside, Netanel asked me why I shrieked. So I told him. His first reaction was, "Can I see?!"

We stopped to look at the poor, inverted thing with its guts splayed about it, and he said, "It's ok, Mommy, the ants will come eat it!" So I'm fully impressed at this point by my son's grasp of the "Great Circle of Life" but then it gets better.

I didn't want to leave it on the porch, so I got the broom and swept it off to the pavement. And then my son sighed, "Chaval! (loosely translated as "too bad") You moved the ants' food! Look," pointing to a few ants marching across the porch, "they were already on their way!"

I reassured him that the ants would find their succulent breakfast, and we made our way to preschool.

I love my kids!

How to Bite Noses without Getting Snot on Your Teeth

Last night Netanel crawled into my bed to say goodnight as I was finishing up the 4th Harry Potter book after only 4 days.
He was noticeably impressed, "Mommy, you are a really speedy reader!"
"Well, you have to be a speedy reader, cuz there's so so much to read!" I quoted from "I Can Read with my Eyes Shut" by Dr. Suess.
"But how am I going to ever be a speedy reader?" The light waning ever so slightly from his impish grin.
"Actually, the only way to become a speedy reader is to start out being a veeeerry slooooow reeeaaader.That's how I got to read so fast. When I was your age, I felt the same way."
And then we started quoting the Dr. Seuss book again. "And when I keep them open/ I can read with much more speed./ You have to be a speedy reader/ 'cause there's so so much to read."
And we were giggling, and then he said, "Like how to bite noses without getting snot on your teeth!"

And then we were more than giggling, we were laughing our veritable tushies off!
"Where did you hear of that one?" Yoram asked, recovering his breath.
"No, Abba, I'm going to write it." Netanel answered evenly, with full confidence.

Yes you will, my sweet one. One day soon, you will.

Channeling Harry Chapin

You all remember this song, right?



today I watched Netanel take a blank piece of paper and turn it into something that made me cry. First he took a blue crayon and started making a 1 inch wide slab of sky at the top of the page and I knew that the orange triangle of sunshine in the corner would be next, followed by a mirrored green slab at the bottom and some lollipop flowers. I had to do something quck! "Oh! is that blue water?"
He didn't skip a beat, flipped the page over and said, "yes!"
Then there were waves and green seaweed floating and finally, inevitably, the orange glowing triangle in the corner. "What's that?" I asked
"The sun."
"Oh, what other colors are in sun?"
He reached for yellow, and red, and we even put some dark blue around the edge and then some more red and orange...
What happened to my Tani and his free expression?! Why have we not learned how to educate our children without extinguishing their creative spirit? Why is it impossible to differentiate between the paintings and drawings of any child in a kindergarten class?

I want a different life for my children than the one I have. A life where anything is possible, where creativity is rewarded and linear analytical thinking is not the only way to solve a problem.

One morning I watched him do a matching activity with the teacher. He had a card with 6 fish tails on it and you had to find the fish that matched the tails. He took in all six images and began pulling matches out of the box, but the teacher made him put them back and go in order. I wanted to cry. He does not have to do them in order! He does not have to change the way he naturally solves that problem! I'm not saying that we shouldn't offer children other ways of finding solutions, but we have to encourage their own natural abilities and ways of thinking.

Because there are so many colors in the rainbow! But who sees them anymore? How can anyone fix the problems with education when we are all products of the education system we are seeking to change?

When does Hashem rest?

I've been trying to make time to say morning prayers with Netanel this week, since he's been home. Although I spend most of my day praying - which is to say that I am constantly asking for guidance and help, and saying thank you, etc,... I haven't been very diligent lately about saying any canonized prayers. So it's been a nice opportunity for me too.

This morning I stood up for a part of the Tefilla and Netanel actually lay down on the couch.
"Netanel," says I, "you shouldn't lay down when your davening, it's not respectful to Hashem."
"Why not?" retorts Netanel.
"Well who are we saying these things to? Hashem is all around us all time, right?" Tani nods. He's sitting up now. "Hashem is the power that creates the world, that guides our lives, and gives us everything we need, and when we say tefillot, we are putting ourselves into Hashem's presence to ask for all that we need and want."
"Mommy, but when does Hashem rest?" He asked. I understand the question! I mean, that sounds like a lot of work!
"On Shabbat," I answered. "Right? On the seventh day, Hashem rests. And so do we."

And then the epiphany happened. On Shabbat, we not only rest physically by not doing things that are considered work. (The list is pretty specific, which is why I used that particular wording.) We are also commanded to refrain from speaking or even thinking about non-Shabbat related things. Like business, or what we want to do or accomplish in the coming week, or even sports. We 're not even supposed to request anything from Hashem on Shabbat! The main prayer, called the "Amida" is completely different on Shabbat, instead of the normal 19 supplications, there are none. Only praise and thanks. On Shabbat we reconnect with our Soul, that little part of Godliness that exists within us.
So I answer Netanel's innocent question, and I'm thinking, "Oh, Duh!" Hashem "works" all the time for us. Listening to our prayers, ordering the world so that we can achieve our desires, and fulfill our purpose. But on Shabbat, Hashem is resting, recuperating, and reconnecting with Creation, just as we are reconnecting with our Creator.

So, no, we should not be talking about business, about stocks, about movies, or plans for the week. We should not be thinking about the activities and requirements of the week to come, because aside from detracting from the spiritual nature of the day, it actually disturbs God's rest! Anthropomorphically speaking, of course, when we make requests of our Creator, even in the form of dreaming about our heart's desires, that essentially causes Hashem to "work" to answer those requests.

So thanks to Netanel, in an hour, when Shabbat starts, I'll be much more sensitive to what it means to have a Day of Rest. And I can't wait!

And now, to end the war...

Presumptuous? Perhaps... 

 

This morning the kids were fighting. Odeliya started it, Netanel hit back. 

Me: Guys, stop fighting and get dressed! 

Netanel: But she hurt me! 

Me: You don't hurt people because they hurt you, you find a way to make them stop hurting you!

Epiphany! Isn't that the misconception of the century?!

 

How do I make this stick? We are training our future here, right? I mean Israeli kids know that they're going to serve in the army when they turn 18. My son, despite spending the first 4 years of his life with almost zero exposure to violence (via movies, toys, etc) has always wanted to be a soldier. I remember him taking bites out of his slice of cheese to make a gun - at age 3! At the time, he didn't even know what comes out of a gun, or what happens to the person on the other side of it, and not only that, he only knew what it was at all from seeing other kids pretending to have guns.

Now when he plays at being a soldier or a super hero, fighting "bad guys" we always ask him who they are, why they're bad, and why he needs to fight them. Part of the reason is because we want to know what he's hearing from the people around him, and part of it is because we want to instill him with an understanding of the thin - sometimes vanishing - line between good and bad, especially when it comes to war. When we ask him those questions, we keep it light and we never give him answers, just get him to think about the question. 

Trying to annihilate the "fighter" in him, in my opinion, would be folly. I believe it would backfire, because it is something that is obviously in his essence. So we look for ways to foster it and contain it so that he will have the tools to make good choices. 

And who really knows? Maybe the Creator saw fit to put this flame inside our son for a reason. His personality is so complex and amazing - even at 5! You'll just as likely find him playing fighting games as you will find him playing Daddy to his dolls. This is the same child who, at age 3.5 gave up his hard-won balloon to a friend who's balloon had flown away. He gave it to him because he understood, empathetically how his friend felt to not be able to show his classmates the balloon from his brothers' brit. And I'm not just saying that. 

 

Digressing for a moment, I will relate that story:

When Netanel was in nursery in NJ, we went to the brit of friends who's son was in kindergarten, we'll call him David. David left his brother's brit with another friend of ours, we'll call her Shana (;-) who took David and her own son to school. A few minutes later, we left too. We were 5 minutes to school when Shana called to ask if we'd left yet because David's balloon had blown away as they were walking into school and he was devastated. I said we'd left, but I'll see what I could do.
I looked at my little Netanel in the rearview mirror, clutching the string of his balloon, and thought, "what have I got to lose? He doesn't have to give it up, but if he does we can make this kid really happy." I decided to tread lightly, I had no reason to force him to give up his balloon.
"Tani, David's balloon flew away and he's so sad, would you like to give him your balloon?"
Obvious answer, "No, it's mine"
"You know, Netanel, David was so excited to bring his balloon to his class and tell all his friends about his brother's brit! Isn't that so exciting?!"
"uh huh."
"He got out of Shana's car and he was so excited and we was going to bring his balloon in to show his Morah and all his friends! And then you know what happened?"
"What, Mommy?"
"His balloon flew away! How do you think he's feeling now?"
"Sad." I could hear the frown  in his voice.
"Do you know what would make him so happy?"
"What, Mommy?"
"If someone could give David a new balloon, that would make him so happy! And he would be able to show everyone how proud he is to be a new big brother!" (Netanel's experience with that was also pretty recent)
"Mommy, David could have my balloon!" tears welled up in my eyes when I heard him say that.
"Really, Netanel, are you sure? Because that would be such a wonderful chesed (= kind act) and it would make him so happy!"
"Yes, Mommy. I can give David my balloon and he will be so happy."

Well, you know it paid off! He was the hero of the day! The look on David's face was absolutely priceless when Netanel walked into the room and handed him the balloon.The kindergarten teacher gave him a cookie, and his nursery teachers also made a big deal about it - and to boot, he actually got the balloon back at the end of the day!!! Talk about having your cake and eating it too!

But the point of the story is to illustrate Netanel's capacity for compassion and empathy.

 

Maybe he is intended to fight - but if that's the case, then we're going to do whatever we can to foster that compassion. So I got my chance to reinforce it.
 

On the way to gan this morning, Netanel picked up a stick - his sword - to fight the "bad guys". 

Me: Netanel, who are the "bad guys'?

N: I don't know. Just bad guys. we need to fight them.

Me: why?

N: because they're bothering us.

Me: Like Odeliya bothered you this morning.

--Silence.
Me: Do remember what I told you this morning, when you kicked her back?

Netanel nods.

Me: Netanel, you want to be a leader in the army, right? 

N: No! I want to be a fighter.

Me: The commanders are the best fighters, that's how they get to be leaders. When someone is hurting you, if you just try to hurt them back you're going to be fighting forever. What you need to do is find a way to make them stop hurting you. In the army, sometimes the only way to do that means that people get hurt, but not always.

And in your life, Netanel, it's never ok. With Odeliya, with kids in gan - because they're not bad guys! Right? (he nods. he's dragging his stick on the floor at the point.) Is you're sister a "bad guy"?

N: No.

Me: what about the kids in your gan?

N: no.

Me: so when they hurt you, or bother you, the answer is not to hurt them back, what's the answer?

N: To get them to stop hurting me.

Me: right. Netanel, if you can show us that you understand that, if you can find a way to resolve these fights without hurting anyone, then you can be the best fighter in the army.

I don't know how much he grasped, but it's a start.

Heard in the Backyard

Netanel has a friend over and they were playing in the backyard. I keep hearing snippets of their conversation...
Here's one of them: (remember they're 5 - and this is translated from the Hebrew they were speaking)


Netanel: Right, he was old and that's why he had problems?
Friend: Yes, and when children grow up their parents die.
Netanel: Not true, my father is grown up and his parents are still alive.

Miss O in Daycare!

On Sunday my two-and-a-half year old, with her crown of bobbing curls, decided to upset the schedule.
It was a normal day and we'd had a lovely morning when Miss O started looking tired, as she normally does around 11am. Its great, she asks for her מוצץ (pacifier), I carry her to bed, read a short book, kiss on the forehead, "I love you, sweetie." "I wuv you too, Mommy." walk out the door.
Still according to schedule.
I si down on the couch to nurse Kooshkoosh, w/ my cup of tea, and begin to enjoy my hour and a half of quiet time, Mommy-and-baby-time. Thats when the trouble starts...

I hear noises from upstairs. Ok, maybe she's looking at a book, she'll be asleep in a few minutes...
I hear the distintive rustling sound of a tiny creature decending from her bed...
She goes into the bathroom, phew! Great, she's gonne pee - and even if she needs me to come up and help her, she'll go right into bed afterwards and I'll get to breathe.
She calls me upstairs.
Upon finishing up, she informs me in no uncertain terms:
"No, I not tired. I awake! I wanna come downstairs and get chocolate and watch a weevee (movie)"

Deep breath. We go downstairs. We color, we play, she's not getting tired. We even watch the goggie weevee (Lady and The Tramp "doggie movie") and no sign of sleepiness. Now it's only a couple of hours before Tani comes home and I realize that I am looking at being "on" in Mommy-mode all day. And my nerves begin to quiver... I send Yoram a text message:
"O is going to daycare starting tomorrow. She decided not to take a nap"
The response: "Ok"

So this is day 3 of Odeliya in daycare. Day 1 was really tough for me. I missed her, and wondered if she was enjoying herself (even though I know she was having a blast!)

Its a small group in the woman's home. Three kids Odeliya's age (including her adorable little boyfriend, Maor - who I'll blog more about in a different post!) and two little babies. Nona, the teacher is fantastic, loving, creative... I pick her up at 12:45, and she's been fed a full lunch. She's jumping up and down with glee and she can't wait to go back in the morning. The first day she napped at 3:30 which was a disaster. Yesterday she didn't nap at all, she just went to sleep early - and it was wonderful!

I have more energy, some time to play alone with my little guy, and time to actually get things done around the house! When people ask where she is and I tell them, their words of encouragement and support make me wonder what a mess I must have been up until now!